The Tutor

Chapter 31

Nora hadn't realised she'd been holding her breath until the taxi door closed. She couldn't bear to look at Rafe, who shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and slumped against the wall, watching them drive away.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Benny asked, looking back at Rafe and then at her. She blew out a sad sigh and jerked her scarf to loosen it around her neck, her insides hot with anxiety.

"Rafe just told me he likes me and asked me to be his girlfriend." Hearing herself say that was weird. Did she just blow off Rafe?

Benny did a dance. "I told you! I told you he liked you and he'd ask you out! For real?"

"For real," she said heavily. "But he's had so much to drink. I'm sure he won't remember anything by tomorrow."

"What did you say to him?"

Nora fidgeted with her coat. "I told him I can't date him."

"Why? What's wrong with you? You guys are into each other. It's obvious." 

Nora frowned at that. Was it obvious? She wondered if only Benny picked up on that because she confided in him. Had she given signs to Rafe that she wanted something more?

Because that was definitely not her intention. She could no longer lie to herself. She liked Rafe—more than a friend. More than once, she had thought about kissing him...and more.

But these thoughts had always scared her. She shook them out of her head as soon as they entered her mind. Teenage relationships were messy and full of drama, and with someone so different from her, it just would not work.

They only seemed compatible because of the situation in which they grew close. He needed her - for guidance, advice and knowledge. Had their meeting been in different circumstances - would he have liked her then? Or would he think her boring, conceited and awkward? If he didn't need her as a tutor, they'd walk by each other without a second glance, just like they did the first couple of weeks of school.

She convinced herself that his attraction to her stemmed from his reliance on her. Didn't the psychologists call that erotic transference? Once he'd left school and no longer needed her for teaching, the attraction would disappear. Once he'd get a taste, he'd lose interest and go back to his world of models, and beautiful aspiring actresses and hostesses. It would be too difficult for Nora to get over. Yes, she was once like the girls Rafe preferred. A girl from St. Claire. But she'd done everything to shed that image because it wasn't who she really was.

The house had all the lights switched off. Grandma was already in bed.

After Nora had washed off her makeup, hung up her mum's stuff neatly back into the closet and got into her pyjamas, she found herself scrolling back through old messages between her and Rafe. Some put a smile on her face. He was much as sweeter in writing as he was in real life. There was banter, and light flirting underneath the friendly texting. Was there chemistry?

"I don't understand why you're so adamant about pushing him away, Nora," Benny's voice

disrupted her thoughts. "And I'm only asking because I want to know how you feel. Rafe is not the first and won't be the last guy to ask you out."

He walked over in his pyjamas and plopped onto her bed. It amazed Nora just how baby- faced Benny was. His expression was always so peaceful and innocent; she always felt like the frowning Grinch next to him.

"I don't want my heart broken," she muttered, pulling up her knees to her chin. "I know guys like Rafe. They say they love you but move on as soon as they lose interest or get what they want. And I've already been so distracted by him. The more I like him, the more self- confidence I lose."

"Why?" Benny frowned.

"Just keep on thinking about him too much. The girls he dated, the girls he looked at, the girls he... Well, sleeps with. I was happy with myself, and now I constantly look in the mirror. I even bought lacy lingerie if he somehow accidentally ever sees me in my underwear. All the insecurities I've tried to shed are creeping back in. How stupid is that?"

"That's not so bad! He's giving you the incentive to reinvent yourself a little. You could use it. You're practically a nun."

"Well, Grandma all but called me a prostitute today when I was getting ready for the party."

Benny snickered.

"Can't you see what he's doing to me? We're not even going out! I went from being a nun to a 'slut' in one evening just to impress him."

"Slut? Please don't take so much credit. You didn't even have the guts to kiss him," Benny pointed out. Only he could make it sound like not being a slut was a bad thing.

Nora let out a sigh and hugged her pillow.

After a thought, Benny concluded. "I think you're scaring yourself on purpose. So that's why you're here, coming up with these lame reasons not to be together. Rafe isn't cruel. You and I both know that."

"Isn't he? His ex shows up, and he brushes her off like a speck of dust. Hazel had marked him as her territory since day one in school, yet he still toys with her emotions. Don't get me started on poor Amy, who follows him around like a shadow. Also, he likes me because I keep on pushing him away. It's like he just likes me for the challenge. I don't think any girl has ever said no to him. "

"Just because the girls like him doesn't mean he has to like them back. And being charming is in his nature. I'm pretty sure even Miss McGrath is crushing on him. But you do have a point about the whole challenge mentality."

Nora took a sip of water. Her heart finally settled to a normal beat.

"Are you angry at him for putting you on the spot and making you face your feelings?" Benny said.

"Well no...I just wish he hadn't bought this up now, so close to the exams."

"Think about it. Really think about it. You're always telling me to stop being scared and stop hiding. It's time you took your own advice maybe?"

Benny patted her gently on the knee, got up to stretch and returned to his guest room. Nora grabbed her phone and fired a quick text to Rafe. She'd left so abruptly. It felt like the night needed some closure.

Thanks for having us ^-^ I'll see you in school. Watch out for those vodka shots; they kick in

much later!

She waited for his reply. His answers were usually quick because the phone was all but glued to the palm of his hand. Different scenarios crept into her mind as she stared at the phone. Was that walking verbal diarrhoea Maria girl still around? Teasing Rafe with her long legs and sensual lips? Would he drunkenly get back with her, wake up with her the next morning and announce they're back together? Or did Hazel find solace in his arms? Crying to him about how she was harassed by Jack? Was he angry at her? Was he drunk when he said all those things and not remember anything when they met again?

She blew out a frustrated sigh. This is exactly what she did not want. Would she become obsessive and possessive if she dated Rafe? The Italian charmer liked his freedom and picked girls as one would pick fine chocolate from a box.

She bitterly smiled to herself. Girls like Amber and Maria would be Champagne truffles or smooth white chocolate with praline or biscuits. Hazel and Amy would be something plainer but still an all-time favourite, like hazelnut milk or mint chocolate.

Nora would be something terrible and of an acquired taste- like dark chocolate with chilli or liquorice coated in chocolate. Just as she drifted into sleep, dreaming of sweets, her phone flashed. She jumped up to read the text. Some part of her expected another expression of emotion from Rafe. Something along the lines of 'we're not done talking; I'm coming over to yours' or 'I need to talk to you. Let's have lunch tomorrow.

But the text was curt, with no smileys.

Thanks for the present. Goodnight.

Sleep left her as she wondered if they would go back to being friends after this.