1.1 || To Escape Time ✓

Saturday.

Chapter 6:

Saturday.

Pause: (n.) temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty.

Time seemed to slow down. I had been rushed to the hospital soon after I passed out. My parents just so happened to get home. I didn't feel panic, didn't feel guilt, I feel nothing.

When I woke up, the first pang of emotion I felt wasn't of guilt, wasn't of panic, but disappointment. A part of me was disappointed that I had woken up; another part of me was relieved that I did wake up. I couldn't explain my actions, not even to myself.

Lonely.

Disappointed.

Empty.

I'm suffocating, suffocating in the smell of the antiseptic, suffocating in the eyes of the hospital nurse. At the side of my bed is Eric.

I want to speak, but I can't.

"Don't bother. Elle..." he responded, stumbling between what he wants to say and what he can say. Instead, he just gives up and hands me my phone. My phone, my playlist, my mean of escaping time.

They let me go soon after, but made me promise to go to therapy consistently. I nod and plug myself into my world of melody. I still had the same amount of time I had before, 980 minutes. 188 songs. But for the first time this week, I notice the number of messages, missed calls, and voice mails people have left.

Right.

I had a life before all of this.

It seemed as if the only person left of my past life now was Eric. But even someone that was once so close to me seems like a distant memory. He can see it too, sitting in front of me. His eyes held every emotion I couldn't feel. He no longer seemed like the neighbor I lived next to for 16 years. No longer seemed like the playful best friend I've known since birth. But it wasn't him that was gone, it was me.

The valley between us just seemed to spread as I fall further and further into the depths of darkness. He was my first love, the one I thought I would end up with. But that was the last thought I wanted to have now.

I'm destroying everything.

And so I go home, I go home and I bide my time listening to music. I go back to my room and sleep. I sleep away my life, sleep away my pain, sleep away my time.

479 minutes, 97 songs.

I'm still waiting for the music to take me away, to help me escape time, to heal me. Fate plays with time, with feelings, with life and I was still waiting for fate to play it's game of luck with me.