Clubhouse [ THIRTEEN REASONS WHY]

S E V E N T E E N

"i'm in so much pain, and no one seems to care or notice" a girl said from across the room.

everyone in the room nodded their head as if they understood this girls struggle in coming to sense with her emotions.

"thank you," she said once again and walked down to sit in her seat.

"anyone else want to share?" an older lady said looking around the room.

before claire agreed with her body, she stood up quickly and walked toward the podium where each member stood.

claire cleared her throat and opened her mouth, "hi, i'm claire," she stated clearly listening to the mumbles of the "welcome claire" that went around the room from the other members.

"hi," claire said nervously as she started to tug on her knitted black sleeves.

claire stood still for a minute, thinking of what to say. this was her last resort, and the only place she could think of that had people who would listen to her.

"i was raped," she said calmly before looking up at the faces of these strangers she feels comfortable with, "twice actually," she laughed shyly.

she looked up one more time for reassurance and caught eyes with two girls from her school, one being the girl she's been avoiding since Jeff's death, Jessica Davis.

"i- uh. my boyfriend- ex boyfriend is on the baseball team at my school. his teammates are always getting in trouble for stupid stuff," claire scoffed and looked back down at her sweater, "but i- i was so stupid to think about going to their 'party'" claire sniffled softly.

"they lied to me. well he lied to me, not my ex boyfriend- his best friend and the guy who uh raped me. he set up this whole party thing to get me to go to his little secretive clubhouse in the back of the school. i was so stup-" claire said and choked on her words. it didn't take much of her to start sobbing.

"i was stupid" she said once again before someone called out from the crowd.

"this isn't your fault" a boy said looking at claire, "you didn't have the power to stop it and it wasn't your fault"

claire nodded her head before taking a deep breath, "two of his teammates held me own while the mastermind behind this just- just pushed himself into me. it was rough and hurtful. he didn't show any mercy while i cried and tried clawing myself away from all three of them" she said and looked up, "it's been almost six months since it happened, and i'm not still not over it. i can't sleep at night anymore- i can't think clearly"

"and that's okay. you're still recovering from this traumatic experience" the older lady from earlier said with a soft smile.

"i feel so- sad again" claire said and looked down, "i tried to commit suicide nearly three months ago and i've fully recovered from that but nothing is making this feeling leave me and i just don't think i can live on like this. i don't want to die, but i just want to stop feeling everything and anything. the boy who did this switched schools after he was let off easy from the court because of another girl he assaulted, that's it" claire said and sat down quickly.

Claire sat there alone, feeling a wave of relief lift from her shoulders. She felt like she could finally breathe for the first time in months.

As the support group ended, she got up grabbing her bag and getting ready to leave.

"Claire-" she heard her voice say and felt a hand touch her shoulder.

"Oh, Jessica. Hey," she said softly looking down, "I'm sorry. If I knew you'd be in the group I would've found another one".

"No- no. I'm really happy that you are here. It always gets better once you start talking- once you have that first hard conversation," Jessica said, "I had no idea that happened. I'm always here to talk if you need to-"

"Jessica, really, thank you. But I'm okay," Claire shrugged a little, "I'll see you in school".

"Wait Claire-" she turned around once again to face Jessica, "Can we talk about the night of my party? I've dealt with it but I think for final closure, I need to talk to you about it-" Jessica paused for a second, handing Claire her phone, "please, just any little detail will help me. I can text you later?"

Claire grabbed her phone and added her number, "and I'll respond," Claire had a cheeky grin and waved bye as she walked out.
-

"a lot can change in six months, mom" claire said annoyed and set the table with plates.

"your dad and i are just worried. you've been leaving the house frequently and with bryce being gone from school, we were hoping that you'd be more open and honest with us," Lainie said looking over at her broken daughter, not knowing of ways to actually help the girl.

claire didn't want to give up her secret on how she's been going to support groups. how she's been more open strangers than she has with her own parents or well, now, siblings.

"soon, i promise," claire said and began to walk toward the stairs.

"i just don't want- i can't lose you again claire," Lainie Jensen called out toward her daughter.

"you won't. not again and not ever"