And Your Girl Can Sing

Chapter 92: Visits With the Tile Floor

 I had been staring at the pale blue of Martin's tiled loo floor, my head against the toilet, afraid I was going to throw up again. I felt shaky, empty, but I thought if I kept throwing up, I could rid myself of what Danny told me. I don't want to think about it, I thought, eyes wide, staring at the floor.

I wanted John. I wanted to feel his arms around me, stroking my hair, telling me it was all going to be all right. I knew he would. He would do anything for me.

"Cora?" Someone knocked on the door. I lifted my head. "Hey, Martin?" I called towards the door.

"It's, uh, yeah, it's Martin," a male voice called, and there was shuffling of feet, someone hissing, move, and then I heard Martin. "Cora! Are you all right?"

I flushed the toilet. "Yes. Just... just an upset stomach, is all."

"Do you need anything?"

"Uh... no. Actually, could I call... no. It's fine. I'll just catch a cab home." I stood up and washed my hands, and then exited the loo, hoping my face wasn't too flushed. All I wanted to do was get home as fast as possible. I had completely forgotten about those two until Danny had reminded me. They were figures of my past. My mother was a figure of my past. June too was a figure of my past, as was Danny, but the damn bastard kept showing up everywhere in my life. Fuck time travel!

I scooped up my purse. "I'll see you, Martin," I said quietly as I half ran out of his flat and quickly sped down the stairs. Panting a little, I reached into my purse only to realize I only had a few quid, not enough to get me back to our little flat. I swore a little, my breath making little circles in the air.

"Need some quid?" I heard next to me.

"Fuck off," I spat. "I don't need your weed money." I turned away from him.

"You don't have enough." Even though I couldn't see him, I could very easily imagine him, standing there, the money held loosely in the hand closest to me, staring off into the sky.

"Why would you tell me that?" I said, a sob crowding my throat.

"You need to know the truth," he said, and I could have been imagining it but I heard his voice get choky as well. The quid was pushed into my hand and I saw the tips of his fingers in the outer corner of my vision, hailing a cab. The door was opened and I clambered inside quickly.

"Don't forget," he hissed and I almost shut the door on his fingers. As the cab drove away, I lay my head on the black leather and sighed out my address to the faceless driver.

Yes. Danny had told me about Jane and Ryan, two figures I never thought I would see again. How when I left, did I forget about them? Yes. Yes, I did. The two of them grew really close. I saw Danny's lips, mouth opening in opposite directions as he annunciated, really close. For a couple of months actually. They were inseparable.

And then they had found out Jane being there was messing things up, Danny explained to me. For history. Butterfly effect. His tone was on the very verge of duh, as I knew Danny, but he was carefully reigning it in. It was hard, but Ryan had had to let Jane go. He saw it in his book, Danny rushed to explain. He saw a world without Jane and it was not good. Things happened which we're not supposed to happen. Too many people he knew didn't exist. Ryan had first cursed the book, but then realized it was the right choice, and Jane had left. He was sad, Danny hastened to explain, and I opened my mouth to yell at him screw you, you don't know anything, but I had rushed into the loo instead, my hand over my mouth.

I had forgotten all about Jane and Ryan, I thought to myself as the cab pulled up to our flat. The thing I hated the absolute most was that Danny made it sound so easy that Ryan was able to let Jane go. That it should be so goddamn easy.