And Your Girl Can Sing

Chapter 98: Nixed Return

 I still didn't want visitors.

I suppose her maternal instinct had kicked in this morning, because I found myself in the car on the way to the doctor's. After I opened my eyes to reluctantly take in the world around me, I found I couldn't close them again. It was too fascinating, fascinating in a way that made my mouth dry and palms quiver like I was seeing the world for the first time. Seeing all the new car models and people walking about in the latest fashions made me feel like I was in another country. A completely different country. And like it had a mind of its own, my hand kept creeping to the right across the leather of the car seat to reach John's, to communicate telepathically with him but he was not there,

—"German," John said. "German... we're in bloody Hamburg! Fuck you too, mister!" he yelled at the nearby building. "Idioten kinder my ass!" And suddenly he was standing and jumping, the sudden happenings giving him a bout of energy. It was contagious. I stood as well and dipped into an Elvis impression, singing You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time!, dipping my head back and running my fingers down the neck of an imaginary bass. John joined me and grabbed my hands and we did a strange dance, kicking our heels up and laughing at the—

I took my hand with my other hand and gently guided it back to my side. It was what he would have done.

At the doctors. Everything was a blur. All I could think about was that he was not there anymore, but at the same time, the thought cycled through my mind with a million other thoughts, like how mint green was a really popular color right now, who would've thought? And the fact that my socks didn't match and I saw a blonde girl dart out behind the front door of our house this morning wearing a neon trench coat but my mum said something to her and she faded away.

As I sat in the starchy hospital gown, still, looking at the diagram on the wall about checking for flu illness, the last few months shuttered through my mind like a tape player.

"I just wanted them to like you," he said quietly. I placed a hand on his arm, reality sinking in as the smiling Paul McCartney over my bed in my mind was replaced by this Paul, but this one was real.

"Well... I like their energy," I said quietly. "Good energy like that makes good music. And I'm not sure they'll get used to me because I—I have to go."

"Well," John started, and then he closed his eyes and said. "Cora, I like you. I don't want you to leave." My hand, suddenly aware of every particle on his arm, felt light with excitement at his next words, spoken softly as he looked straight at me, through me and asked: "Will you be my bird?"

A nurse was inside, holding a clipboard.

"How are you, love?" she asked, a mildly concerned look on her face as she scribbled down some notes.

"All right," I said, staring at the diagram on the wall.

"Not bad weather outside," she remarked. "Mum drove you, eh? August weather isn't so bad. My sister was down in the United States and it's right hot over there. She was in New York. Imagine Texas! Now, dear, when was the date of your last period?"

I blinked. That was probably the last week of November 1961. "Erm... what's the date today?"

"August, love, August 17th."

Calculations. "2014?"

"2014?" She had looked up sharply. "What? Are you all right? 2013."

My fingers gripped the leather of the raised bench. "No. That means no time passed since..." My eyes grew wide and the last word trailed from my lips. It was not 2014, not a year had gone by. Nothing had gone by. That was why nobody was shocked I was back and everything was the same and mum was going to go on her business trip today but she had stayed to take me to the doctor but when John was here, she left and I went back when John, and I wanted to go back with him NOW