Book two of Blind Love
After being saved from the Saxons and brought back to the man she loves, Ailbe has grown far less naive. Still a gentle soul with a heart of gold, Ailbe begins to find the balance between compassion and subservience. She becom...
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Trigger warning: Suicide
Ailbe didn't know where she was going. Everything was a haze of angst and misery as she stormed away from Kattegat. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't think at all, for that matter.
All that was in her mind was Ivar's confession, playing over and over in her head.
Part of her wanted to run, to leave. Part of her wanted to help Bjorn. But she couldn't do either of those things. She couldn't betray the man she loved, even after all he had done. She couldn't walk away from her daughter - she didn't even have anywhere to go.
But foremost, she couldn't live with herself either.
All her life she had been pure and good. She had represented justice and harmony. But she threw it all away for Ivar. She threw away all that she was, all that she believed. And she simply could not live with the guilt.
She could not live with knowing what she'd done. She could not live with knowing what Ivar had done. She could not live with any of it.
She couldn't breath, her chest was tight and clenched around her ribs. Her lungs pressed against her bones, screaming for air but it was little use. Her heart yelled for oxygen as her body released copious amounts of adrenaline.
Panic. Pure panic.
This happy dream was little more than a dream. And she had awoken into this agonizing nightmare. This nightmare from which there was no escape, no reprieve, no joy.
All her joy was gone.
No pain from any Saxon or scheming family member hurt as this did. The one person who she had relied on to keep her safe, to love her and care for her, had betrayed that trust.
"Like Clíodhna & Ciabhan?" He asked excitedly.
She smiled nodding, knowing that the young boy didn't yet understand the tragedy of the story of their Gods. "Yes." She answered. "And soon I might have to leave here and go very far away."
The tragedy was of Clíodhna. She gave up everything to be with the man she loved. She left her home and all that she knew to live a mortal life with him, because one mortal life with him was worth an eternity without him. She could die knowing she lived every moment devoted to him, no matter what.
But the gods were jealous and sought to tear them apart. And Clíodhna was engulfed in the ocean, washed away by a tremendous wave never to be seen again.
Ailbe stood on the cliff edge overlooking Kattegat. She had lived with her love, and lived enough for a lifetime.
She didn't want to live forever. Only a moment was enough to know that she had been true and loyal to the very end. And now she could find peace, maybe, hopefully. Or she could suffer in the place of those that she had caused suffering to. Nevertheless, she could find salvation in the temptation of the waves.
She hadn't the stomach for this. She hadn't the strength. She longed for silence, for an end to this pain. She yearned for a resolution.
But this wasn't a resolution. This wasn't an answer. All it did was leave her life unresolved, her pain forever present.
This fixed nothing.
"Queen Ailbe!" Whitehair yelled from along the moors. He was close enough to see her clearly, to know the thoughts crossing her mind. "Stop!" He yelled.
She sent a smile his way, a small tear running down her cheek as she placed her fate in the hands of the gods.
Isn't it odd what we will do for love? And what we will do for pain?
She took a step back, off the cliff and Whitehair watched in horror as she fell towards the black depths of ocean. He sprinted towards her, but it was far too late.
The embrace of the abyss had already taken her as she hit the cold water surface.
"One day, Ailbe, you will do great things!" Her father told the little girl as she smiled up at him. "Just remember to always be on the right side. Always do good, always be kind."
Ailbe nodded with a giggle. "I could never be mean." She informed him.
The old man smiled, holding her close. "I know, my love. I know."
The water was like the harsh ground when Ailbe hit it. There was no saving her. No helping her. She was dead and there was no getting her back. No magic that could give her another life. Nothing.
"You will travel our world, further than our people have gone before. You will encounter people who will make you realise who you truly are. You will marry a God, and your lives will be intertwined for centuries to come. And just when the world thinks that nothing can harm you, an old friend will deal your final blow."
