7 days in limbo [Billie Eilish]

DAY I.3: hello darkness

To pass the time until I had to start working I began to flick through the pages of my notebook. Billie spun around in her chair and looked at me from the side

"Can I see?"

She had been open to me about her music so it was only fair I showed my notebook even if I disliked giving it away. I bit my lip and handed it over hesitantly.

She studied the last entry.

"I'm trying to work on a storyboard," I explained. "It's just ideas. Camera angles, movement, composition and all that."

"Is that for a video too?"

"No, I make short films and stuff. I started out with photography and kind of moved over into cinematography. When I'm not stuck working on a video for the venue of course."
I paused before asking, "You direct some of your music videos, don't you? They're amazing."

"Thanks." She looked proud. "I think I'd want to direct if I wasn't singing."

Billie slowed in going through my notebook and I hoped she did not stumble upon some kind of embarrassing to-do-list.

After the interview I knew that she was a lot different than I had thought. I would have never expected us to have common interests.

"So..." Billie looked up, "you're a sound technician, handle a YouTube channel and shoot films in your free time. Tell me more about yourself, Mara."

"I'm not really 'shooting' anything," I clarified. "It's just amateur level. What do you want to know?"

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"How long have you been doing this internship?"

"Since graduating earlier this summer. I just needed something to get my parents off my back. I'm kind of taking a break to figure out what to do with my life."

"And? What are you going to do with your life?"

I let out a frustrated groan. "Good question."

"No ideas?" Billie studied me while I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. The topic was a sore point for me.

"Too fucking many. I can't decide whether I want to study and go to the more technical side or focus on filming. It doesn't help that my mum wants me to be an artist and my dad, well, he thinks I'm going into the company just because I agreed to do the internship."

I pointed at the logo on the soundboard and Billie tilted her head to read it. "Jager?"

"Jäger," I corrected the pronunciation. "It's my dad's company"

"That's your last name? I've seen this all over and Finneas won't shut up about it. They makes speakers and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, all kinds of tech. That's what the venue is for. My dad bought this old factory when he was young and really into British rock. He just stacked it with the most top of the line shit. 'Jäger' it the German word for 'hunter'. That's why he called the venue Hunted Hall and not 'haunted' with an 'a'."

"Hold on," she reached out in surprise, touching my arm, "does that mean you're German? Your accent's pretty convincing."

"I went to school here for a few years but I grew up in Hamburg. I just moved here again two months ago when I had finished school and started the internship."
I let out a sarcastic snort. "You know, maybe I don't know what the fuck I want but I do know that I needed to move out of my mum's. It's nice to be somewhere nobody knows you."

"Right. Can't relate." Billie chuckled at her own joke.

"Don't worry, it can get lonely too."
I was taken aback by my own honesty. Perhaps it was easier for me to open up to strangers, knowing I would never see them again after one weekend. "I miss my friends."