Me against the world

Youth

In case you don't know the german school system, I'm going to make brief explanation. In 4th grade, the last year of elementary school, your main teacher will decide in which secondary school you will be. There are three types of secondary Schools:

1. secondary modern school (Hauptschule), which is from 5th to 9th grade. This is usually for kids, who have a slow pace and didn't have good grades in elementary school. The degree of that school is a Certificate of Secondary Education (CSE), which unfortunately hasn't that much value.

2.Secondary modern school (Realschule), which is from 5th to 10th grade. This is for kids, who's grades were okay in elementary school, but they were still slower than others. The degree of that school is the General Certificate of Secondary Education (GCSE). This one has more value than the (CSE) and you have the chance to enter grammar school or make a well paid formation. 

3.Grammar school (Gymnasium), which goes from 5th to 12th grade or from 5th to 13th grade (depends in which state you're living). This is for kids, who had very good grades in elementary School and could work in a qiuck pace. The degree of that school is the A-Level or General qualification for university entrance. 

In elementary school, I made sure that I had good grades, so that I could enter grammar school, which I eventually accomplished. The rate of foreigners being in the secondary school that goes from 5th to 9th grade is unfortunately very high. I remember that I was in the elevator with my brother and a random lady joined us. She asked, which secondary school we were visiting and then interupted herself and was immediatly assuming that we were visiting the Hauptschule. When my brother and I told her that we were actually in grammar school, she was clearly surprised and claimed that we were probably exceptional cases. She didn't even apologize or something like that. When I tell people that both of my parents studied and that my farther is a succesful engineer and my mother a bank employee, I often sense how people are surprised about that. In those moments I again notice that this is completely normal for me, but not for others, who have that stereotypical picture in their mind.

Grammar School

So I finally entered grammar school and my grade was the one with the most black kids (5 out of 150 to be exact). For some reason I thought, that everything would be better. Now that I'm around with people who are more mature and hopefully not restricted with stereotypes, but of course I was wrong. It didn't even take two weeks when someone assulted me and my friend, who is mixed-race. We were at the bus station, waiting for the bus to go home, when 3 random boys from our school bumped into us. Then they made monkey noises to provocate us. My friend and I stayed calm and I asked them, what their problem was. Then one of the guys called us niggers and continued with the monkey noises.  He asked us how it was in "our jungle called africa" and said that we didn't belong here and should move back to africa, where we would starve to death. Since I knew in which class he was, because I knew a class member of his, I still remained calm and made out a plan. The next day I went to my main teacher, who also happened to be the physics teacher of the guys, and I told her what happened to me and my friend. We all went to his class and my friend and I had to pick the guys out, who insulted us. They later got penalized and had to apologize.

Over the years in grammar school nothing really special happened, but there were still moments, where I was annoyed or felt uncomfortable. My hair is like my identity and I know my hair is special for others. When I wore my braids, cornrows or my natural hair (afro) I could sense how people loved my hair and that made me feel special as well. There were two types of people: One would ask me politely if they can touch my hair, but then there are others who don't ask me and just grab my hair. That's something I ABSOLUTLY HATE!!! When I confront them about it and ask them: "Would you like it if I just grab your hair without asking?", then they suddenly think about their action. Another typical thing that happens is: "Do you speak african?", what I usually reply is: "Do you speak european?". Again, then they realise that this is a stupid question. The amount of people I came across, who thought that Africa is a country is insane! I don't know if this is the case everwhere, but when german media or Germans talk about africa, they never really mention which country. It's always Africa. People in africa this..., african industry that... So when people ask me how is it in africa, I always reply with: Which Country?, Which part?

When I was in 9th grade, I visited a textilemuseum with my science class. There was that old man, who was obviously stuck in 20th century. When he showed us those big old weaving machines from the 19 hundreds, he explained us how clothing was made back then and turned around and said: "That's how you still do your rags back in africa, right?" When I and my other black friend didn't answer and just looked at him quite perplex, he just laughed derisively and continued. When he made a similar comment again, my friend and I just broke out in laughter and when he assumed, that we were sibilings, we lost it. I wasn't surprised that my teachers remained silent and just watched the action. That was typical of them. Later the organisators apologized for his behaviour, but then they claimed: "You know he's just quite old and he obviously lives with an old mindset." For me, this didn't excuse his behaviour and the way he talked to me and my friend.

The last time someone was actively racist against me was end of 10th grade. By now, people in my school knew that they shouldn't mess with me. So I didn't really expect that to happen, but I was always aware that anything could happen anytime. Yet, when something happens, you're still surprised. That's what exactly happened to me. I was in a classroom and enjoying my short break befor my next class would start. Meanwhile a random dude came in, he was obviously younger than me, and kicked the trash can for no reason. I asked him, why he did that and then he said: "Ew, a black girl!" and immediately ran away. Within a millisecond I snapped and decided to go after him. While I was running up the stairs, I was so angry. I literally threatened him to kill him and beat his ass up in front of my teachers. That was something I have never done before and I am not really proud of it. The guy was lucky though and slipped out of my hands, but there were few of his friends. In the heat of the moment, I didn't even noticed that my friends were running with me. So we asked his friends, who he was and it turned out that he was from the other school next to mine. My friends and I returned back to class, obviously too late, and meanwhile the students had explained my teacher, what happened. The following act, was probably the kindest act a teacher has ever done for me. She insisted on cancelling her lesson to talk about it with me and the class. Meanwhile,  we wrote a letter to the principal together to inform him of what his students were doing in our school property. In that moment, I felt accepted and appreciated by my classmates and more importantly, it gave me hope. 

After school was finished that day, I went to the other school with my friends and we were actually able to talk to the principal himself. We explained him what happened and he was very kind and helped us to figure out who the other guys were. He apologized and promised me that he would do everything he could to help me. Two weeks later my teacher, who helped me, recieved a letter from the principal. He wrote, that he called the parents of the guy, who insulted me and that he was punished by them and by himself. He wrote that the guy cried infront of him and claimed that he would never do something like that again. The following week, the guy came back to my class to "apologize". But honestly, it was the weakest apology I've seen in my life. He wrote me a "letter" where he stated "I'm sorry" all over the paper and even with some misspelling and gave me a Knoppers (snack). All I just said was: "Think before you open your mouth, I hope you learned something!" and left him there.