SPARROWS ✶ FIVE HARGREEVES

14 | Still Cold, But Warmer

Y/N

_

"I'M SORRY," Five said, his eyes glued to the road in front of him, "for kissing you."

I don't really remember much of the morning, considering we had to wake up a little too early than I'm used to, but somehow we were already in the car. In fact, we were probably miles away from the motel by now.

I blinked, turning my head to stare out the window, "why are you sorry about it?"

Sure, I was mad that all of it happened yesterday, but now I felt different. I didn't want him to be sorry. I just wanted him to be happy about it. I didn't want that kiss to be seen as anything less than a kiss. The way he spoke about it yesterday, he made it seem useless.

"You said that was your first kiss," he said, biting his bottom lip.

"I know."

"Was it a bad kiss?"

"I don't  remember it, considering it happened so quickly."

"But it was your first kiss."

"Yeah."

"It was mine too."

"I don't need your pity," I frowned, "it won't work on me."

Gosh, what was wrong with me?

I didn't want to seem like a jerk, even though I knew I was being one, but I had my reasons. Particularly painful reasons that make it hard for me to admit feelings other than hatred, and that was the problem. I had non-hatred feelings for Five.

I knew all about love, never felt it, yet I felt some with Five.

And I was trying to shove it down the back out a garbage can just to avoid being hurt again.

"It's not pity," the boy said, letting out a sigh, "it's the truth."

I cocked a brown, leaning against the leather seat, "then why did you pretend like it meant nothing?"

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way."

"But you did."

"I know, and it's because..." he started, hesitating at first, "I'm not used to people getting close to me. I was alone in the apocalypse for 40 years, never spoke to anyone but myself, went crazy some days, and forgot what it was like to actually be around someone."

I was totally a jerk.

I kept complaining about my problems, disregarding the fact that he had his fair share of his own.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, "I really am, five."

I expected him to grunt in disbelief, or mutter a half-ended forgiveness, but instead he just smiled. That dimply, cheeky, smile.

"I guess we're the same though," he said, "you and I."

"What do you mean?"

"We were both left alone for most of our lives."

I forgot he knew about the cryo-chamber, and that soothed me a little bit. Instead of being mad at me, he related to me. No one really could, and yet here he was, doing that exact thing.

"You never told me who Delores was," I said, turning my head to look at him.

He laughed, "my ex."

He had an ex?

I wasn't sure why I was getting jealous over it, because everyone is allowed to date whoever they want, and break up with whoever they want. Maybe I was just jealous that someone else was Five's priority in life at one point.

Not saying I'm his priority...

"Oh," I said, "can I meet her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You just can't."

"But why?"

"Because she's not alive."

...

what?

The horrible thought popping into my head, I widened my eyes quickly and inched my hand towards the door handle. Yeah, Five always acted like a homicidal maniac, but... I didn't know he actually was one. I wasn't sure what to do exactly.

Before I could come up with a quick witted response, Five let out a chuckle.

"Before you ask," he grinned, "I didn't kill her."

cocking an alarmed brow, I scrunched my nose, "then why isn't she alive anymore?"

"Simple," he teased, "she wasn't alive in the first place."

The mannequin.

Well, that was certainly a better explanation than the previous one I thought of, but now it was just strange. He dated a mannequin? Did he...kiss a mannequin? Probably, but I guess that doesn't count as a first kiss, because Delores wasn't alive.

"That's good to know," I mumbled, "but I'm not going to question it any further."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you have an ex?"

I almost snorted, shaking my head quickly. One, no, and two, I was too busy being in a coma to get one. It was funny how quickly Five forgot things.

"Nope," I said, "but that's all I'm telling you about my love life."

"So you do have a love life."

Oh, if only he knew. Shaking my head, I narrowed my eyes playfully at him.

"My love life will forever be off limits to you," I said, "you don't get to know anything about it."

"Bummer."

"Deal with it, Five."

"I will," he laughed, "and don't worry, I'll be gone before you know it."

I paused, wondering if I heard him right, "gone?"

"Back to my timeline," he clarified,  "I just have to find my Mom first."

"Okay."

As the car went silent again, I glanced out towards the passing trees in disappointment. I wasn't going to tell him, obviously, but the truth was...

I didn't want him to be gone.