The Last Riddle

33. Another year without them

The day that I dread more than any other has come around once again. Every year I convince myself that next year won't be as bad, that I am moving on, healing and growing up. No matter how much I try and tell myself this however it never seems to work. The emptiness within me only grows, the more the years pass the more I realise just how much I don't know about my parents.

The two people who should have been the closest to me aren't even existent in my memories, I hold no memory of them ever being near me or touching me. That is except the few dreams I have had about my mother, or that is what I like to tell myself but who knows who this made up woman truly is.

Mourning one parent is bad enough but mourning both feels like a never ending pain that seems to have no end. With a break up, you move on and end up falling in love with someone else. With parents however you don't get a second chance; once an orphan, always an orphan.

"Why here?" Cedric's soft voice interrupts my thoughts and I turn to look at him taken aback.

"What?" I say confused as to what he is asking me.

Cedric offers me a small smile "why here? Why did you say we should study in the astronomy tower today?"

I turn away from him and look across the large open landscape in front of us, my feet hang off the side of the tower and I lean against the railing going across my chest.

"It was just needed today, I came here last year with Harry. Blaise set it up because we were arguing at the time, I'm not sure what it is about being up here maybe it's because the air is thinner but I just feel weightless." I sigh deeply and rest my forehead against the metal bar in front of me.

Cedric places his hand on the small of my back as he gently tucks my hair behind my ear "want to talk about it?"

I smile to myself at his gentle nature "I'm not sure, I think for now I'd like to just sit in silence if that's okay?"

Cedric nods his head before gazing out in front of him at the hills surrounding us. Soon the sky grows darker and an eery wind passes through the tower.

I finally find myself having the confidence to talk, almost as if that wind blew the courage into me. "Today is the day that Voldemort killed my parents, when Harry and I were both one year olds. I'm sure you know the story..." I pause as I sigh deeply already exhausted.

Cedric stays silent only slightly turning his head to look at me.

I breathe loudly as I carry on "I just find it so hard still, I don't know why seeing as it's been years you know? It just never gets easier and it's killing me Ced, it really is. I have all these unanswered questions about who they were and what they believed in. Harry seems to know so much but I only get snippets of information here and there. I just feel so alone sometimes even though I know Harry is going through the exact same thing."

Cedric takes my hand in his as he kisses my fingers gently one by one. I feel my eyes well up as I grow more grateful for his company and the love he is showing me.

"I just wish there was something that would stop me from feeling this pain, this loss. It feels as though I am being stabbed over and over again in the stomach. I hate it Ced I really do." A sob forces it's way out of my body as my chest starts to pound and the tears fall freely.

Cedric pulls me firmly against his chest hushing me gently as he strokes my hair "Ang there really is nothing I can say that will make this pain any easier but all you need to know is that I am with you now and forever. I will never make you suffer through this pain or any other kind alone okay? I will always be by your side I promise."