⎼⎼⎼ 𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖋𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 ➵ 𝑏.𝑓.

032

mikki

i felt horrible. press was mad at me and the more i thought about it, the more i felt upset. but i wasn't allowing myself to bend to her will and apologise because it wasn't my fault. but i did try to hang out less with connor. i didn't tell him about our fight because i didn't want the producers to worm it out of him and victimise him.

on top of that we had a crazy hard dance because we had to dance with water on the stage. it was cool, but i was worried i was going to slip. and brady, connor and i hadn't started on our trio yet.

"connor, brady, mikki! come here, we're starting your trio!" abby called. "so, you three know what this duet is about, pollution, right? i've always said that a trio is the hardest dance, so you have to get the spacing and the timing right. alright, let's run you through."

it was an incredible dance. it was fluid yet sharp and beautiful. but i felt the thick tension between brady and connor and i had no idea why. abby seemed to sense it too.

"boys, i am not seeing the cohesiveness, i am not seeing the," abby gestured wildly, "connection between you. i need you to work together."

"ok," brady said. connor nodded.

"again."

there was no improvement.

"ok, you're done. go rehearse by yourselves, ok?" abby sent us off.

i sighed, thanked her and left the room.

⤎⎼༌·⋱🩰⋰⋆༌⎼⤏

"lilly, ellie, do you understand the magnitude of what is happening? you are competing in pittsburgh and i own a business here. we could go to this competition and leave with 2, 300 new students. they all wanna be like you.

"jojo's gonna be in the audience, so be brilliant."

we all nodded. it wasn't only directed at lilly and ellie, but at all of us.

"i'm starting with lilly."

we left the room to go to our classes. connor left with pressley to go to ballet and i followed behind at a distance. i looked at both of them wistfully. connor was laughing loudly and pressley was the happiest i had seen her in a long time. if only we weren't fighting. she caught my eye and quickly looked away. i opened my dance bag and tied up my pointe shoes and headed to the class.

it was torture.

having berkleigh poke and prod me, watching my best friend whisper to my other best friend who i wasn't talking to and making her laugh and trying to keep up with the class.

i rushed out as soon as we were allowed to go and went to hide in a studio. i pulled out a tumbling mat and sat on it, staring at the ceiling. i could feel my eyes watering, but i forced myself not to cry. crying isn't allowed. you are here in this amazing place with amazing people and you are doing the thing that you have wanted to do for your entire life.

"mouse?" it was brady.

"hi," i said hoarsely. i cleared my throat.

"what are you doing here?"

"oh, just thinking."

"sure." he put his arm around my shoulders and the warmth from his body seeping into my body.

"there's so much going on, brady."

"i know, mouse, i know."

"couldn't this be drama free?"

"have you met the producers?"

i gave a laugh. "i guess not."

we sat there for a while, comfortably sitting beside each other before he cleared his throat.

"uh, mikki?"

"mhm?"

"i'm uh- sorry that i said no to your ice cream offer the other day."

"it's fine. how did it go with press?"

"oh, um. she cancelled."

"sorry."

"what's up with you and press?"

i looked up at his face and stared at him. should i tell him? i must have stared pretty intensely because brady went bright pink. i had to get it off my chest. so i told him.

"so yeah. that's what happened."

"i'm so sorry mouse."

⤎⎼༌·⋱🩰⋰⋆༌⎼⤏

"mikki!" mom handed me my costume, "go try that on."

i was mesmerised. it was probably the nicest costume i had ever seen, rippling blue, and it was beautiful.

"that looks great, mikki," mom smiled. she put her arms around me and in that moment, i just wanted to hug mom forever and not let go and just cry. but i didn't.

"mom, i don't think i want to do this anymore," i said, my voice muffled in her jacket.

"ok. when you're ready to leave, alright honey?"

i couldn't see them, but i could feel the cameras pointed to my back.

"ok."

⤎⎼༌·⋱🩰⋰⋆༌⎼⤏

connor

i knew mikki. known her for almost my entire life. she never quit anything. there were times when she came close, but she hadn't even dropped out of a history club we'd joined, even though it was desperately boring.

"it's like i'm glued to something once i start it, you know?" she told me once.

"nope." i had never had any trouble with letting go. i probably dropped out of a billion things my entire life.

and now she wanted to quit dance moms? the show we'd watched together for endless nights trying to learn the dances and desperately failing? the show she'd idolised? it wasn't like her. there was obviously a lot more that she wasn't telling me.

but i also knew that mikki was not going to talk to me about it. she wasn't that way. but she probably told brady. a little worm of jealousy crawled through me. he was now her best friend. 

"brady?" he turned around and gave me a half smile.

"yeah?"

"did mikki tell you anything?"

he froze. "why?"

"she's just been...i don't know...weird? like distant."

"bro, i don't know if i can tell you."

the author speaks:
when this chapter was first published,
this was at 20k reads.

the oc speaks:
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