Addict (Yander Boys X reader)

Chapter 11

Anxiety overtook Shiro as he slowly mustered up the courage to talk. Opening his mouth then shutting it again, his fingers fluttered by his side until he groaned, got up, and retrieved a pack of cigarettes from a drawer.

"You don't mind, do you?"

The therapist shook her head.

He turned his back towards her and sat down, the sound of a click and spark followed by a small stream of smoke that rose to reach the ceiling, only for it to disperse midway. Remaining in his position, (Y/N) too turned until they were both back to back, a cigarette in Shiro's hand and a clipboard in hers.

Inhaling then exhaling, he spoke with pauses in between his words. "Sometimes I wonder... why I don't listen to Akio. Sometimes I think about how he knows all of us better than we know ourselves- better than our parents like he's got some crazy superpower, hehe. Crazy, right?"

She wondered why he started talking about Akio but listened nonetheless. "Do you look up to Akio? Admire him? I was told that you were all friends."

Another puff of smoke. "... you could say that. I see him as a leader and someone that always has the greatest advice like he's got two lifetimes of wisdom. Then again, his past isn't all that great." There was a pause, Shiro inspected the cigarette wedged between his two fingers, then began recalling memories that prompted him to continue inhaling.

"He had a sister named Fumiko."

He spoke so softly now, so she had to strain a little to hear him. "' Had?' Would you like to explain further?"

A shudder travelled from his spine and vibrated gently against her back, then he pulled his knees to his chest. "She died 3 years ago. Some drunken bastard on the road paralyzed her and left her in the hospital for months to suffer." Pondering over the thought, he hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to prevent any memories from tormenting him.

"If I'm being honest, I'm annoyed. Annoyed that things turned out this way, annoyed that she's gone. I miss her a lot, and I'm not sure why, but I'm constantly reminded of her wherever I go. It sounds crazy, but it's true."

"I don't think it's crazy at all. You must have cared for her a lot." (Y/N) responded.

A breathy chuckle left his lips. "Fumiko was my girlfriend. Everything about her was beautiful; the way she talked, moved, everything she did was so captivating. She was flawless, perfect. That's why..."

Listening to silence, she turned around and placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort. His entire bright and flirty nature dwindled to a quiet and depressing one. It was out of character for what she knew, but from what she heard today it only made sense.

"... that's why I take drugs. I started the week after she passed away. Sometimes, if I take enough I can still feel and hear her. I like the way it feels like she's with me again."

Shiro sniffed, trying his hardest to conceal the hot tears that splashed on the floor. He felt so hurt inside, like an ongoing raging fire that ate up at him from the inside out. Fumiko was everything to him. His motivation, his world, his lifeline.

Regret. Regret. Regret. That's all he felt; he wished he hadn't done what he did. Once it happened, there was no going back.