The revelation of pain and perspective

The black sheep

*The Bell Rings*

And just like that , first period is over. That was a lot easier than I expected but that was only the begging. I grab my belongings and I head towards my new locker I had just been assigned.

I feel better knowing I have a top locker because for some reason having a bottom locker was never something I would consider. I grab my English journal and I head to the restroom just before class starts . As I walk in 2 girls glare at me . I continue looking at myself in the mirror , fixing my bun and looking at my mascara. I can feel them staring and it's making me uncomfortable.

I turn to face them and for about 5 seconds we have a staring match . "We just thought you were pretty." Says the the girl on the right . "Are you new here?" She says . "Yes , it's my first day." I say softly. "We could show you around." They say simultaneously. They both look at each other and share a boisterous laugh while I sit there blandly . "I appreciate it but I'll be fine by myself" I say with a smile that barely reached my eyes .

Without further ado, I grab my journal off the sink and I walk out the restroom . I exhale as if I'd been holding my breath for what felt like forever . I never did like the idea of new people or making friends. I like when things happen naturally , I don't like when anything feels forced . I prefer to pick my friends . I have a hard time trusting others , growing up I learned to not trust so easily . I protect my heart at all costs. Growing up with 5 sisters, a mother like mine and no father to protect me at the time .anyone would .

The bell rings for the start of second period and I take my seat in the back of the classroom. I have a hard time with my horrible eyesight but I don't like being the center of attention. I didn't have money for glasses and my mom didn't seem to care about it. I hated that. I went through almost all my years of school suffering with bad eyesight and she treated my problem like it was not important.

Can you imagine ? Even when I sat in the front of the class I still had trouble seeing the board . Oh and not to mention, when the teacher chose me to read the board . My stomach would form knots and I would scream on the inside . I dreaded being called to the front of the classroom, I didn't like class presentations and I despised group projects. I would enjoy working individually.

My English teacher was a short , ginger haired Caucasian woman . She looked to be about 40 to say the least. upon the bridge of her nose sat a pair of thick ,black round glasses. She proceeded to walk to the board and write the topic of our first journal today . It reads "Each student will introduce themselves to the class and State 3 facts about themselves." She then puts the top back on the marker and turns to face the class.

"Each of you will briefly introduce yourself. Keep it short and light so that everyone gets a turn . You have 15 minutes . When everyone is finished I will call on the first person to stand up and read their journal. You may begin." She says plainly. I close my eyes at the thought of having to tell anyone anything about me.

I began writing my name and my age when someone knocks on the classroom door . The teacher struts to the door and cracks it just enough for her head to peek out of the threshold. I hear faint whispers from the other side of the door. Then the class began to whisper and mutter.I sit quietly waiting. I figured I'll finish my journal while I wait . 

After a few seconds of what felt like forever she lets the gentleman in the classroom. He's about 6'3 , dark beautiful skin , a nice low cut and a white crew neck that hugged his muscles . I take a second to observe closely. He has a small golden chain with the letter "D"carved on the pendant. I can tell it was genuine gold . He wore a pear of black sweatpants and black white and red Jordan's. He was handsome. He walks in , his stride long . His strong looking arms sway beside him as he strides to a seat that's one row away from my right. The desk next to me was empty. He shoots everyone a friendly smile . He takes a look at me and we make eye contact just for a second. I give him a small smile when he smiles back I can't help but notice how perfect his teeth are followed by his lips . They looked soft and moist.

  He pulls out a blue and white composition book and began to write . I could see that from where I'm sitting, the girls in here are nearly boozing over this boy . I would honestly never let a guy see me so vulnerable. If I were really into a guy , he wouldn't even know right away .

The timer sounds and I slightly jump out of my daze. I had almost forgot we'd only had 15 minutes but it felt longer .I look around to see if anyone had seen me jump , but everyone was busy finishing up their journal getting ready to present . I suddenly get queasy ,but I keep it under control for the most part.

"Ok class, who would like to go first" she says. For a second i didn't see anyone raise their hand. It's like the students froze or something. "Anyone ?" She says . I think to myself I should go to get this out of the way . Oh boy.

"I'll go." I say timidly, raising my slightly shaking hand . "Well then, come on up here miss-"  "Amauri." I cut her off and say . I slowly slip out of my seat and walk to the front of the class . I gulp before turning to face everyone . It's Showtime.

"Hey." I say with a nervous wave to follow. " my name is Amauri Scott. I'm 16 years old and I was born and raised here in Atlanta. I'm new to this school and today's my first day." "Girl did you see that fight this morning?" A high-pitch voice exclaims from my right and the class breaks out into laughter. I laugh a little and I continue my journal. "I have 5 sister and I'm the second oldest."

As I speak I take a look at the classroom . I catch the new guy glaring at me with his eyebrows furrowed. He looks like he's in deep thought and for a second I wonder what he could be thinking about . I must've paused unknowingly because the teacher clears her throat before stepping in. "Thank you for your wonderful journal today miss Scott. Does anyone have any questions?" The class is silent. I walk back to my seat while everyone claps their hands for a few seconds. I felt a relief when they were clapping. I felt weight come off my shoulders getting mine out of the way .