The revelation of pain and perspective

Home Sweet Home!

After getting off the bus , I take the shortcut on the way back home from school. I'd cut through my neighbors back yard just a cul-de-sac over from my house . I rub my hands together and began rubbing my arms to create heat. It's getting cold outside and I'm going to need to wear a jacket tomorrow or I'd get sick.

I walk in the side door and I get a good whiff of what smells like dinner cooking on the stove . As I walk up the stairs towards the kitchen I peek through the entrance to see what's cooking . Mom's cooking ground beef balls with gravy and mashed potatoes, sweet peas with a little milk and butter , and cornbread. My two youngest siblings are already at the table eating dinner while watching Teletubies on their tablets.

As I lift each lid to see what's cooking she walks in the kitchen in the middle of me doing so. "Girl get out of my kitchen touching stuff , have you washed your hands?" I look at her and she looks exhausted . I think back to last night when she had been up yelling at 3am . It must've been my step dad. He's the only guy who she deals with . "I just came home from school mom." I say with an agitated look on my face. "How was it ? Did you like your teachers? She says and I can tell she's genuinely interested.

"Yea they were cool. I saw some girl get beat up today" I say sounding nonchalant. "Those kids at that school don't have any sense , Amauri . you better watch the company you keep" she says. I hardly even speak at school unless I'm spoken to. "Trust me , I don't want anyone's company" I say . I didn't even go to lunch today . I went to the gym locker room for a bit because I wasn't hungry and trying to avoid confrontation.

I walk out of the kitchen and go down the hall to my room . My room honestly wasn't all that . I didn't even have a light in my room or a lamp , nor did I have a TV . I possessed a wooden nightstand about two feet with a blue fan on top , some colorful led lights above my window and a baby blue cover hung on thumbtacks over the window to substitute curtains. My bed was against the wall adjacent to the door .

I walk in and sit my book bag on the shelf in the closet . I sit on my bed for a second thinking about my first day trying to sort out the sequence of events . I suddenly envision that boy's smile and his teeth. We didn't have enough time today so he wasn't able to present but I was curious about him. What was his name I wondered .

Mercedes interrupts my train of thought as she walks in. " girl I had a good first day." She says laughing a little. "Them boys at my school are fine." She says as she looks at me to see if I'm listening. Mercedes is fair or "light-skinned" as they may call it. Unlike my hair , her hair is sandy brown with softer curls. " Mercedes did you get some actual work done today?" I say laughing . She shoots me a death glare . "Did you? You didn't skip class today did you?" She says narrowing her eyes . "Nope" I say casually. "I skipped lunch if that counts" I say taking off my shoes and putting them in my closet next to a pair of fur slides.

Angel walks in and tosses my shirt on the bed . "Your welcome." She says . " no it's your welcome the hell , it's my shirt." I say coldly . I'm not for the disrespect. I love all of my siblings but you have to be tough or you really won't survive in this house. They don't know how to be soft and submissive. Every female in this house are mouthy and attitudinal. You'd better be able to hold your own weight. She rolls her eyes and walks into her room , the door closing behind her.

Mercedes and I look at each other and laugh. "Seriously, y'all need a tv show for sure." She says sitting on the edge of my bed . "How was your first day?" She asks . I try to think of something interesting to say but nothing comes to mind. " It was just a regular day." I say bluntly. "I bet you didn't make any friends" she says teasingly. "Why do I need friends?" I question. She sits there for a moment then she furrows her eyebrows and touches her chin with her index finger. "I don't know. It's not a crime having friends Amauri...you do kno-"
"Yes , I know" I saying cutting her sentence off. I already knew what she was about to say and I didn't want to hear it .

I had one best friend my whole life but over the summer we stopped communicating as much. I hadn't made any new friends since and I'm not in a rush . I'm just focusing on myself and trying to stay out of trouble this year . I may be quiet but I am quite the rebel. The only difference is I wasn't noticed . I would stay to my self and rebel alone. I hardly would get caught doing anything, everyone assumed i was an angel . I liked it that way .

******

After dinner I slip on a large white tee and a pair of silk shorts for bed . I take my hair out of the tight bun , my hair is still wet from the shower . I let the curls drape over my face as I massage my scalp with oils that smell like peppermint. My scalp feels cold and fresh . I throw on a bonnet and pull the tucked cover over my legs . My phone buzzes and I search for it in my covers , picking it up to see if I'd had any new messages. Nothing . Just an Instagram post notification. It's 10:30 so I put the phone on the charger and set my alarm for 6:50 , just in case I need extra time to get ready in the morning. I Snuggle up under my cover and sheet to get warm and comfortable and fall into a dreamless sleep .