The New Humans

Chapter 24

When Ash and Owen went to pay, Miriam confirmed the date and suggested they meet at seven p.m. at the waterfront. Ash returned home, all the while laughing with joy. In his room, he looked at himself in the mirror: What a charming young man. No woman could resist me.

The date was three hours away. Meanwhile he needed to decide what to wear. He retrieved a pair of black pants and a shirt from the drawer and laid them out on the bed. So, that was planned, but what would he say when he saw her? Hi baby? Present himself in a romantic way with a kiss on her hand? Tell a witty joke? That wouldn't work; he only knew dirty ones.

He ran a hand through his hair. If he couldn't even figure out how to say hi, what would he do about the rest of the evening? Maybe the words would come to him automatically, but considering the silent scene in the pizzeria, he wasn't so sure. He couldn't rely on Owen to help him all evening.

He took a notepad and a pen, sat down, and listed all the possible topics of conversation. Holidays? No, he'd stayed in New Hayes, and she would have probably worked in the pizzeria. Food? No, it would make him sound like a pig. Music or cinema? What if they had opposite tastes? He had to find a way to impress her, excite her, make her fall in love with him. He tapped the pen on the notebook. After a quarter of an hour he had filled the sheet with scribbles.

"Damn!"

He tore the page to pieces. This date with Miriam would ruin him. He imagined worst-case scenarios: he would remain silent all evening, or he'd end up saying something stupid and she would laugh at him. He had to cancel. He took his cellphone and started composing a message: Sorry Miriam, but I can't make it tonight because . . . Why? Because he was sick? She'd just seen him eat a shrimp pizza. She would think he was trying to avoid her, and then she'd never want to see him again. He dove on the bed and sank his head into the pillow as if he could drown there.

Enough. What's done is done. He watched some funny videos on Net and read a chapter from a book. His cellphone vibrated with a text from Owen: I'm in front of your house. Ash felt like an orchestra of violins was playing in his stomach. When he pulled on his pants, they were too short, and the shirt he'd chosen left an inch of his belly uncovered. They must have shrunk in the wash. He took them off and looked for something else in the dresser, but he hadn't brought anything nice from Finnis. His eye fell on a yellow shirt and a larger pair of black pants that made him look like a scarecrow.

When Ash got out to the sidewalk, he saw Owen was wearing a freshly ironed white polo shirt and a pair of dark-colored designer jeans. If someone had carved a statue dedicated to kids who went out in the evening, it would look like him.

Owen looked him up and down. "That's an interesting combination."

Ash swallowed hard. The two boys walked toward the subway, Owen with a lively step and Ash as if he were headed to the gallows. It was still daylight outside, but the temperature was starting to cool down.

"Relax," said Owen.

"I can't."

"What are you worried about? You made it over the first hurdle. If she agreed to go out with you, it's because she likes you."

"Maybe once she knows me better, she'll change her mind," said Ash.

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you know what the secret is with women?"

"Be yourself?" asked Ash.

"No. Talk a lot of bullshit. If you think you're not interesting enough, you can always invent some story. Be cheeky, say you're a champion of something or that you've visited some interesting places. Girls like winners, and I promise you she won't go and check if it's true."