Without Hesitation

Chapter 11

Elle's phone buzzed for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon. She didn't even look away from her computer to check who it was; she knew Avery's name would be front and center on the screen. She felt her heart skip a beat for a moment, but she internally waved it off.

Morgan rolled her chair over from her station next to Elle's. "Okay look, if you aren't going to answer her can you for the love of God put that phone on mute? Every time I finally get the zone with things, I hear what sounds like an angry bee skittering across your desk, coming closer and closer to sting me. No me gusta, okay?" she said, adding in her Spanish for a little flare. Morgan grew up speaking Spanish in her household, but ever since her and Adrian had gotten back from Spain, she was slipping it into every sentence. Elle secretly loved hearing her speak it but had to tease her because that's what best friends do.

"Ugh okay, chamaca," Elle said with a wink, throwing Morgan's favorite mild insult back at her, causing Morgan to roll her eyes. "I don't see how she hasn't gotten the hint."

Morgan raised her eyebrows. "See, I told you this was going to happen. She's persistent to a fault." She pointed her purple pen at Elle, threatening to spray ink droplets all over the desk. "I'm just glad that you held your own and kept it to the week. You didn't need this in your life."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll turn it on silent though."

"Thank you," Morgan sang as she rolled her chair back. 

Elle grabbed her phone and opened it up, her thumb grazing over the neon green messages icon before going into her settings and putting her phone on do not disturb. It had been two weeks since she left Oregon, and a day hadn't gone by where Avery hadn't texted her. Elle doesn't know why she wants to; it wasn't a very gracious departure on Elle's part. If Elle had been in Avery's shoes, she would have never spoken to her again. But Elle was not Avery, and despite what she said to her best friend, she really didn't mind Avery reaching out. Frankly, it made her happy.

The morning of Elle's flight, they mostly just packed in silence, trying to get everything done. When Elle had woken up that morning, Avery was gone, cleaning the kitchen, and blasting music, and only gave Elle a simple "good morning" to start the day. So, Elle kept her distance. That was the theme of the day. The drive back they barely spoke, just sitting under a dome of tense silence that made Elle feel claustrophobic. They only made small talk during their lunch stop. Elle kept trying to think of something to say, something to sum up the week they just had, but the words weren't coming and Elle sure as hell wasn't going to force them out. 

When they got to the airport that afternoon, Avery walked around the side of the car to let Elle out before grabbing her bags for her. Elle stood in the departure lane, feeling awkward and singled out. What were they supposed to say to one another? They had just spent the last week doing about the most intimate thing you could do with another person. How do you make a clean break from that? Avery placed Elle's carry-on on the sidewalk next to Elle, her hand immediately moving to grab the back of her own neck.

Elle started. "Okay well, thanks for the last week, and thanks for bringing me here."

"Yeah, sure," Avery replied, looking down at her feet.

"Well, I guess I'll..."

"Can I call?" Avery interrupted. Elle raised her eyebrows, not sure what to say without sounding rude or like there was an invitation. Avery shook her head. "Like can we stay in touch? I don't know, this doesn't feel like it should be a real goodbye. So, can I keep in touch with you, maybe see what happens from here?"

Elle took a deep breath. It was harmless, right? Keeping in touch? Elle's eyes locked on Avery's, and they were shining. Full of hope, or fear, or lust, or all the above. In that moment, Elle knew that it would not be harmless in any way, not for Avery at least. There was no doubt in Elle's mind that Avery had feelings for her at this point. And Elle didn't want that – even though her stomach did a pleasant twirl at that realization. But Elle didn't want a relationship. She knew after her trials with Laura and all those who came before, she wasn't made for this. She was made to be alone, to have flings, and to only rely on what she had control over. Throwing in the long distance, and this had to be a no, even though she knew she didn't want to see that light leave Avery's eyes.