See Dot Smile

Big Brother

"Are you guys screwing each other yet? Or is J.J. still dating that blonde, busty gal from California?"

I was hesitant about letting Brent drive us to the Homecoming game, and this is why. Luckily, we haven't picked Joshua up from his house yet. I still have time to threaten my big brother with the exposure of vaulted sibling secrets about his exploits in high school to my parents, if necessary.

"Don't be a dick," I say. "They broke up over the summer. He's still upset about it. And don't call him J.J., he hates it."

"Aw. Lil J.J. Love that kid," Brent says. "Does he still wet the bed, or is it strictly wet dreams at this point?"

"Oh my God." I smack his arm. "Drop me off at his house. We'll take his car." I don't really want to do that, I'm sure it still smells like Ali in there, but Brent is killing me right now.

"No, no, we must be enviro-conscious, Dotsky. Carpooling is so hip right now. I'll put a plastic bag down for J.J. in case he gets too excited. Scratch that. An enviro-conscious, reusable tote bag. Or I'll loan him a sock."

"I hate you."

* * * * *

I think if my parents knew what kind of teenager Brent would turn out to be ahead of time, there's a good chance I never would have been born. He was a bratty kid, not uncommon for boys, but by the time he hit double digits he was a full-blown deviant.

Crashing our family computer with porn viruses, multiple times. Plastering his ceiling with pictures of boobs cut out of Playboy magazines, right before our grandparents came for Thanksgiving and stayed the night in his room. Getting caught masturbating in the minister's office at church ... during the service. Smoking at age twelve, drinking at thirteen. By the time he got to high school, my parents' nerves were worn down to a fine powder. They decided to finish the basement at our house to give him and his questionable friends a place to hang out where my parents could be on the premises, twittering nervously at the kitchen table and exchanging their patented 'where did we go wrong?' look, while they listened to teenage boys speak poetically about the girls they were getting into. Literally.

Rumor has it my brother lost his virginity to a prostitute at the beach when he was fifteen. I always thought that rumor sounded fishy. I prodded Brent about it one night when he was supposed to supervising me but was drinking mouthwash to dull the pain of a recent breakup. That's when he told me he was still a virgin. He was seventeen at the time.

He has a serious college girlfriend now. They've been dating almost three years. He's sweet to her. Not sure why he can't be sweet to anyone else, but it's nice to know he has it in him. Somewhere under the thick coat of douche-bagginess.

* * * * *

"Holy shit," he says under his breath as Joshua comes out his front door. He starts down the steps, but his mom calls him from inside and he turns back to talk to her. "You're telling me you're not hitting that?" He shoves the gear shift into park and grunts suggestively to emphasize it. "Lil J.J. grew up nice. Mm. He's a hottie, Dotsky. You better get on that quick." He licks his lips like a cartoon wolf eyeing a steak. "Or I'm gonna."

"What is wrong with you?" I groan.

"Nothing. I just know sexy when I see it, and that kid is sexy."

I roll my eyes. "Is Maren okay with you checking out guys?"

"Maren is very okay with it. We had a three-way with a guy from her chem lab a few weeks ago. And it was ... not awful." He turns to me and grins.

"Are you messing with me?" I ask.

"Nope. Just growing up, Dotsky. Seeing the world through a newer, sexier lens is all."

"You're bi-sexual now?" It wouldn't surprise me if Brent has decided being bi-sexual is 'hip' so that's why he's having guy-guy-girl threesomes with his long-term girlfriend. If he even is, and this isn't all beach prostitute level bullshit.

"Am I?" he asks.

"If you like having sex with guys and girls, um... yeah."

"Hm. Maybe I am then. The truth is, I like getting jerked off. I don't really care who's doing the jerking--Hey J.J!" I cringe at my brother's lack of self-control as Joshua approaches the car. "How's it going, little man?"

"Not bad, shit for brains, how's it going with you?"

"I'm great," Brent plays along as Joshua slides into the backseat. "I was just asking my sister why she hasn't put her flag down on that sweet ass continent of yours. Word around the sedan is, you're flying solo these days."

"Yep. But Dot and I have been having sex for years. We just didn't tell you about it because you're a total fuckface." I glance back and Joshua winks at me. "We're having sex right now, actually. You just can't tell because you're a total fuckface."

"Wow. That's disrespectful. Consider yourself off my three-way to do list, J.J."

"Didn't realize I'd gotten on."

"Get on, get off. You do you, man."

The car goes silent, and I cover my mouth so they can't see me smiling.

Brent peeks at Joshua in the rear-view mirror and grins. "It's really good to see you, Joshua."

"You too, Brent."

* * * * *