See Dot Smile

Kendall's Speech

Bud invites everyone and their families over to his house for lunch after graduation. Bonnie has the thing catered, so we all get to act like royalty for two hours as we roam around the 'gardens', now in full bloom, eating fancy hors d'oeuvres and pretending we're grownups.

By the end of the day, Bud is the most popular person in our group for all the most superficial reasons. But he doesn't care. He keeps catching my eye across the festivities and smiling. And it's beautiful. To see him smile. It makes me want to send everyone home, so I can sit next to him and make him smile forever.

But first, we all need to have the 'big talk' that friends are supposed to have after high school graduation. The one where we get all mushy and say all the important things we've been too scared to say, before we run out of time to say them. According to Bud, it's mandatory.

We regroup in the guest house, where Marcus has been living comfortably for the last few weeks. He tries to hide the fact that Tom has been sleeping over, a lot, but it's obvious they are love-nesting in here big time. 

We pack a cooler with the last of the non-alcoholic beverages from the party, and a few beers that Brent snags us before he heads home, half in the bag himself, with my parents. "You're the best, Dotsky." He hugs me. "I'm so proud of you I could puke right now." Then he pulls Bud into his arms and kisses him – I daresay tenderly - and I hope to God without tongue. When I ask Bud how it was for him to kiss a guy, he smiles and says, "not awful."

Hamilton's cove is vacant except for one other group of grads we decide to share the patch of sand with, because they brought more beer and guitars. So, we have plenty of sappy goodbye songs to accompany us while we decompress and get mushy.

I curl up in the sand between Bud's knees and melt back into his warm body and decide for myself this is the best day ever. He doesn't have to say it.

When Kendall stands and asks everyone to shut up, I know from the tremor in his voice that he's gearing up to share his truth. After an intense round of heckling, we give him the floor.

He gives me a nod and I return a weak smile. "So, I haven't told anyone this ... except Dot," he says. "Because I didn't want you guys to worry about me. But um... turns out... I've got MS. So... that sucks. A lot. I know it's not the end of the world, but it is going to kick my future's ass. Or at least... reshape it." 

Someone laughs nervously. Then I realize it's Kendall.

"I have to turn down my football scholarship. And I'm gonna take a gap year. To figure out how I'm gonna deal with this shit. Long term."

A few people have started sniffling. I've already cried myself to sleep about Kendall at least a dozen times since he told me. But it doesn't make it less hard to watch him come clean to everyone else. I glance over and see Ali holding onto to Joshua. He's upset, and she's there for him. It doesn't make me angry. 

"It's okay though," Kendall says. "I'm gonna be okay. And that's because of you guys." His voice catches and he throws his hand over his eyes to squash the emotion that wants to come out of him. He straightens up and sniffs loudly, recovering his perfect posture. "Before this gets too weird, I just wanted to say something ... to each of you."

He picks up an empty bottle and holds it up like he's going to give a toast.

"Bud," he says. Everyone turns to Bud who is a blubbering mess. I put my hand on his cheek and let him lean on me while he takes his medicine. "Last year, I knew way too much about what was coming out of your ass every day." Bud snorts into my shoulder. "We all did." Sounds of emotional agreement all around. "But this year, you finally let us see what was coming out of your heart. And dude. That was some incredible shit." Bud can't handle it. He sobs into my neck, leaving a puddle of snot on my shirt.