See Dot Smile

What Really Happened With Kendall and Lilliana

Two reasons I'm in the car with Lilliana en route to New York for the first half of spring break.

Reason one: I missed out on New Year's in New York with my family because I wanted to stay home and host the party that ended in epic disaster for pretty much everyone in attendance. Wouldn't mind a do over on that one. Of course, I wouldn't have made friends with Bud if he didn't come to my party and save everyone from themselves and make me pancakes at 3:00 AM. Or would I have? I don't know.

Reason two: Joshua is single. I should have mentioned that first. And I should mention I didn't hear this from Joshua. The news reached me the good old-fashioned way. Through shameless gossip. 

Turns out Joshua discovered Ali had been texting with that guy she hooked up with in California over the summer. She's back in California this week, visiting her cousins and touring the Cal U campus and possibly--according to the texts Joshua saw--meeting up with Fred.

That's his name. The guy she cheated on Joshua with. F r e d-uh.

Joshua needed a girl's advice on what to do, so he confided in Lilliana, who told Kendall, who told Tom, who told Bud, who told me, that Joshua gave Ali a weird sort of 'free pass' during spring break. He said he didn't want to stand in her way if there was something real between her and this Fred guy. He told her to go to California single. If she wanted to stay with Joshua, she would stay away from Fred. If she wanted to be with Fred ... then at least she wouldn't be dating Joshua when she figured that out.

So, Ali is in California. With Fred. Single.

And Joshua is at home. Alone. Single.

It's all very progressive and terrifying and I'm worried. For Joshua.

And Bud is very worried. For me.

After he confesses he never blocked Joshua's number from my phone the day he deleted his voicemails, he tells me I need to be careful. With my heart. That Joshua is going to be all kinds of vulnerable while Ali is gone, and that's not how I want things to start for us. I need to wait until Ali gets back for the final verdict. And then, when the dust settles, I can finally claim my rightful place at Joshua's side. And in his bed, under his hands, body, and mouth.

Okay, Bud didn't say that last part, but he must know I'm thinking it.

So, I'm running away, sort of, for a few days, to visit my big brother and his fiancé in their tiny one-bedroom apartment. I'm not thinking about Joshua. Alone. Single. Vulnerable.

No. I. Am. Not.

Lilliana and I are on the third leg of our six-hour drive to the Big Apple and I'm in the driver's seat. We haven't been overly chatty, but it's still the most we've talked to each other in four years. She got into NYU, her second choice for college, and she's getting excited about it. She talks to me at length about her five-year plan and how it will transition seamlessly into her ten-year plan. Her plan includes a lot of school, undergrad degrees in Political Science and Criminal Justice, followed by a law degree, followed by years of work in the field, followed by a PHD in ... space ... farm exploration or something ... Jesus, I'm exhausted just hearing the bullet points. And as someone who can't plan the next ten minutes of my life, let alone ten years, I'm finding her future lacking some important elements.

Like love. And all that comes with it.

We still have an hour to go on the drive, and as the rule states: Driver picks the topic of conversation. Passenger picks the music. I decide to delve into a topic that has baffled me since spring of junior year. "What happened with you and Kendall?"