mastermind • trevor zegras

010

TREVOR'S POV

MASTERMIND

Anaheim, CA

She removes her head from my chest. She sits with one leg tucked under herself a few feet away from me. I'm dreading this moment, but it's here and I need to get it over with.

"Look," I start. It's then I realize I don't know where to start. "I... These past few months have been amazing, V." Why does this feel like a breakup if we were never together. She doesn't respond, instead just sits there, listening attentively.

"But," Instead of looking at my hands, I look up at her. I regret that. "I've... I've been lying to you in a way."

"You have?" She asks. I can't read her voice, I can't tell what she feels behind those two words. Her face shows no particular emotion, nor do her eyes.

"I... I know I should've have, and I'm really sorry, V. Like, I'm so, so, sorry. But, please let me explain." I ramble over my words, making a complete idiot of myself.

"Go ahead." Is all she says. No emotion, but not a no emotion you can tell she's upset either sort of thing. Why would I prefer if she was yelling at me?

"I found this list." I start. "That you made and... I thought that if I was the person that you experienced all those things with, then you would feel the same way I feel about you."

I wait for a response, I get nothing. "I know I shouldn't have done it, and I understand how it could seem manipulative and calculated, I guess it was calculated, but I didn't want to hurt you."

"So," I wait for her to say something, anything, but she doesn't. So I continue doing my specialty, talking. "None of this, the necklaces, the shirt, the paper ring, none of it was accidental. But trust me, it was all real."

Once again, no response. "I laid the groundwork. I figured out how I was going to make all these things happen." I feel gross for explaining this.

"The dominoes cascaded in a line." I'm looking anywhere else but her, I'm confused by all of this. She's not giving me any sign of emotion.

I finally build up the courage to look at her. To look at her when I've finally admitted my mastermind plan. But all I find is a smirk. Why the hell is she smirking?

I did all of this, and she's fucking smirking? I'm beyond confused. I expected anything but this. Her to yell, maybe cry, I would've expected a punch to the face before I expected this.

"V," I pause. "What the fuck is going on right now?" She knows something I don't. She has to.

"I know, Z." She says as if that makes all my questions go away. That only adds onto my list.

"W- you do? But- since when?" I stumble over my words. I'm actually shocked. I genuinely don't know what to say.

"Since Waffle House." That explains it. She was staring off into outer space, then she was all giddy and happy afterward. She figured it out then. But that was like a month ago.

"But... why did you go along with it for this long?" I ask. "That was a month ago, V."

"Because I didn't mind, Trev. I thought, think, that it's really sweet. I think it's sweet how you did all of that just for me." She says. "But, I put the pieces together, and I just don't think what I have is lining up."

"You didn't actually need to move here." She states. "And correct me when I'm wrong."

"So you didn't need to move here, because if you did need to move, you could've lived with Jamie. I've also assumed that Jamie has been in on this whole thing." She pauses, waiting to see if I say anything about her assumptions, I don't, so she continues.

"You somehow, that I haven't figured out yet, stumbled across this list I made and decided to.. you know, execute it. And one by one you've been doing each thing on this list. Not it order, but getting them done." She says.

"You missed something." I state. It's not an important detail, but it's a detail. "Matthews was in on it."

"He was?" She asks, I just nod. I remember him texting me after the game, wondering why I acted the way I did and I had to tell him the truth.

"I just have one question." She says. I raise my eyebrow, silently signaling for her to ask the question.

"What happens now?" I don't have an answer for that. And honestly, I haven't wanted to think about an answer for that.

But, for the past 2 and a half hours, that's the only thing I've thought about. Guess where I've gotten to finding an answer? Nowhere.

"I... I don't know." I pause. "But I do know one thing. And that's that, I'm don't want to- I'm not going to lose you. I don't care what I have to do, I am not losing you. If... If things don't work out the way I hoped, then fine. Fuck it. But I am not losing you, V. So you can try and push me away, kick me out, do whatever, but I'm not letting you out of my life. And I won't let you kick me out of yours."

"Because this," I motion between the two of us. "I will be dammed if I let you throw this away. This is real, V. This is more than a list, and you know that."

"I... I'm scared, Z." She says. She's the one staring at her hands now.

"Why, V?"

"Because..." She pauses. Her voice is clearly shaky. "I've never had someone that loved me the way that I wanted them to. The way that I know I deserve. And it's scary. Because, what if I fuck up? What if things don't work and I get my heart broken? I don't know. I just... I've never really let someone in before on this type of level."

"V, look at me." I move closer to her and take her hands in mine, she looks at me. "This is all about trust, okay? You have to trust yourself and you have to trust me. It's normal to be scared, because I sure as hell am. But what I keep telling myself is that you're you. It's V, I have no reason to be scared."

"If," I don't want to say this. "If you don't want something right now, then that's fine. I'll still be here when you do want something."

"No." Is all she says. I furrow my eyebrows, looking for an explanation. "I do want do want something now, and I want it with you."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

UGH CUTIE PATOOTIES