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CHAPTER NINETEEN
☆
"𝘞𝘏𝘖'𝘚 𝘐𝘝𝘠?" 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘞𝘖𝘙𝘋𝘚 𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘌𝘙 in the air long after I've said them and it makes me think I don't want to know after all. The look etched onto her face tells me it's nothing good and I probably should've never asked. A wave of regret washes over me as her hands find their way together and start fidgeting.
"Who- when did you-? How do you know her name?" A look of confusion washes over her face as she waits for my answer and in that moment I wish I just never brought it up. I have other things to be talking about with her anyways. Like that call with my dad but no, I let my ping of jealousy take over and now I'm questioning her.
I open my mouth to speak but for a second nothing comes out. I wish I could take it back at the last minute but unfortunately, I can't. "She commented on your Instagram." When I say it I realize how ridiculous it sounds. I'm asking her about a random girl that commented on her Instagram...
She raises her eyebrows giving me a look of disbelief. "She commented on my Instagram... So what? You're analyzing my comment section?" She lets out a small laugh.
"Not necessarily, I just saw her comment, and I mean obviously ... she's someone. I don't understand why you can't just tell me." My last words come out harsh. Nothing how I wanted them to sound. The expression on her face changes slightly and I wish that I could read it.
"I don't understand why you can't just tell me about your family. Or yourself or anything that actually tells me who you are. Instead, you beat around the bush, and what? Expect me to just relentlessly share my life with you?"I'm taken aback and I feel my eyebrows raise at her words. I get defensive and move a bit away from her.
"How are you finding a way to turn this on me?"
"I'm not finding a way to turn it on you I'm just saying. Don't question me as if it's your business to know every detail about me when I barely know anything about you." I sigh, a laugh almost coming off my lips.
"What's funny?" I shake my head, not wanting to get into it. I feel like we're about to argue and I don't want to. I just want to cuddle with her and watch movies.
"Nothing. Can we please table this and come back later? It's not a big deal."
"No, I wanna know what's funny. I call you out on your bullshit and now there's something funny. I wanna know" Her tone is different than it's ever been. She's serious. She's shorter than me but I'm somehow intimidated. I push away her comment because like I said I don't want to fight.
"Just let it go please."
"No, This is what you do all the time Sage. I ask you something about yourself and you change the subject to avoid talking about it. I don't understand you-";
"You think I'm the only one withholding information? The most I know about you is that you live with your mom, you need therapy for whatever reason, and you like being fucked in public bathrooms by girls you apparently don't know very well." Words can't describe the instant amount of regret I felt as the last word left my lips. I know as soon as the look on her face changes that I messed up. Her face falls but she quickly picks it back up and holds herself together.
good girl, don't let me see you cry.
The room is silent for a second before she stands up and begins grabbing her things with no words. "Cory wait." I grab her arm but she quickly pulls it away. Her rejection feels like a thousand stabs, everyone going deeper and deeper. I should've just let her come to me but no, I had to insist. She slides on her slippers and walks down and out of my room. I follow her hoping she'll give me a chance to apologize.
"Cory I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that." She reaches the front foot and even when she's walking away from me she's the prettiest girl. I don't know how I could ever say that to her. I didn't mean it, I was just angry.
I run to the door pressing on it before she can open it.
"Move." Is all she said as she looks down at her phone. She's in the Uber app calling for a ride.
"No, please I'm so sorry I don't know where that came from. Things were getting heated and It just came out I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me"
It's quiet she's just looking down at her phone, trying her best to make it seem like she doesn't care but I know she does, and I know she's invested in us just as much as I am. So I can't let this go,
"Im so sorry I didn't mean it. I swear."
She doesn't bother looking at me as she says the last thing I'll probably ever hear her say.
"Didn't mean what? That I like to be fucked in public bathrooms? You're not wrong, I just wish the first person I trusted with my body didn't throw it in my face during an argument over something so petty. You're more like Ivy than you think."
I pause, quickly connecting the dots. Ivy was her first girlfriend. The one that took advantage of her. My heart hurts at the comparison and I step out of the way not bothering to look at her as she walks out. I can't, it would make this hurt a thousand times more than it already does. My stomach turns at the thought of me being anything like her.
I barely make it to my room before my legs give out and I'm on the floor crying. I can't believe I said that to her. I can't believe I even raised my voice at her. I think about everything she's ever told me about her ex and more tears cascade down my face. You're more like her than you think. Those words repeat in my head constantly telling me I let her down.
