the way i loved you | j. hughes ⁸⁶

005

that night i went to sleep without eating dinner–not because i was mad at jack, i mean that too but mostly because the thought of food made me want to throw up.

it was very late when i went to bed probably three in the morning because i tried to estimate the amount of sleep i was going to get.

the overwhelming amount of work i had to study for my midterms really got to me. i had been studying long enough until my eyes started to blur and couldn't focus.

the first of my many alarms blared in the morning light and through my ears. i groaned as i turned to the nightstand to grab my phone and turn off the alarm.

i wish sleep still captivated me after those short hours but the sun shining in my eyes let me do otherwise. with my phone still in hand i turn to the other side to avoid being blinded. i made a mental note to remember to close the blinds next time before going to bed.

after a good fifteen minutes, a voice startles me, "good you're awake." i look over the comforter to see a blurred jack standing in the doorway.

i grab my glasses from beside me and shift my body weight to rest on my shoulders. "thought you didn't want to wake the beast, huh?"

"well you can always poke the bear," he says as he shrugs with a stupid little smile on his face–that i want to wipe off so bad–but it's too early in the morning for this. he keeps it as walks away.

i roll my eyes and decide i should finally get up even though i don't want to. the cool air makes me shiver and i want to crawl back into the warm bed and stay there all day.

i walk to my unpacked suitcase that sits in the corner of the room and rummage through it to pick my outfit for the day.

it's not a surprise to me that i'm ready before jack as he always insists to look in the mirror a thousand times to make sure that he 'looks alright' with i find stupid because i've seen him go out in public with the post questionable outfits.

i busy myself in the kitchen trying to find something to eat–even if i was not hungry i knew i had to eat something. i make my way to the refrigerator and browse around until my eyes land on the oranges. i peel the two clementines and make my way back to the couch, continuing to wait for jack to be ready.

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i knew the almost long as an hour car ride to the doctors office was gonna be unbearable. we would either argue, have uncomfortable small talk, or sit in silence and maybe listen to jack's god-awful taste in music.

"did you eat last night?" jack's voice breaks through his quiet country music playlist playing in the background.

"hm?" i hum even though i heard him.

"i said did you eat dinner last night?" he questions again.

"no, wasn't hungry."

jack looks over at me before turning his eyes back to the road. he knows–he knows that i know too. i eternally groan, hoping he doesn't bring it up.

"you know you have to eat." i roll my eyes at jack as he says the most obvious thing. sometimes i really think he should've gone to college.

"i know that," i reply. i look over at him furrowing my brows–trying to see where he's going with this.

"what'd you eat this morning."

the more he's integrating me, the more i'm getting annoyed. i'd love to blame it all on jack but i know it's also the anxious feeling in my stomach that makes me want to throw up is also making me irritable.

"oranges."

"you should say it out loud, it'll sound less scary," jack says.

"what?" i furrow my brows at him again. at this point, i'm starting to think i'll have wrinkles before i turn twenty–which is next year.

"say it out loud, it won't be as scary. it's just a doctor's appointment, nothing too serious," he says again, with more explanation.

"i'm not scared." i shift uncomfortably in my seat. he knows i'm lying–we both do.

"you know i can tell right? we've known each other since we were kids."

"yeah everyone knows i have anxiety, it's not a secret, smarty pants," i tell him in a duh tone.

i look over to the window, pretending to be interested in the world outside. i can feel jack look at me again and he sighs. i'm bracing for the conversation to continue but i'm met with silence. i look at him through my peripheral vision and he's looking ahead again. relief flows through me as he finally dropped the topic.

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guys please talk to me i promise i'm nice 😭🙏

also guess who your girl met yesterday🤭🤭RUTGER MCGROARTY🤭🤭

he was so nice and i met some other jets prospects too!!!! the only benefit of living in winnipeg💀 they were all so nice, especially the goalies but i got love for the rest too!!

– ani<3