PAINTED LOVE

THIRTY-TWO

TW: SELF-HARM

sebastian hayes

. . . . . .

Since last week, Loïse's been through too much. Her dad's passing has made her do nothing but cry, which is understandable. It's showed its consequences on her grades. Studying is something she rarely does anymore. Her grades have dropped, and she's failing physics again. I've been trying to help her with everything. Being with her when she's crying, helping her with assignments, cooking for her (even though all I can make is pasta), making sure she eats and sleeps enough.

But she doesn't accept the help she's getting from not only me, but also her friends. Crystal has been working for two in the past week, making sure Loïse doesn't get behind too much. But she keeps shutting everyone out.

Now, I understand that, but it's come to a point where I don't even know what to do anymore. Mostly because I was totally different after my mom died. I was younger so that would have played a part in that, but I was even more outgoing than before. I needed to get away from the house, it held too many bad memories. Loïse is not like that at all. It's making me doubt everything. Does she even want us to reach out? Does she even want me to hold her when she cries?

I'm in front of her bathroom door, knocking on it but she doesn't open.

"Loïse, open the door", I say. She's been in there for two fucking hours; the shower has stopped running since an hour and half. I don't want to know what she can possibly be doing in there.

"Loïse, stop shutting me out. Open the door, please", I repeat. The lock twists and sure enough, she opens the door a little bit, but still blocking me from entering.

"I'm about to shower", she says weakly.

"You just did", I frown in concern. "You just showered. What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing", she clearly lies. I glance in her red-dimmed eyes from crying and step forward.

"Can I come in?", I ask, already placing my hand on the door. She shakes her head.

"I'm going to shower", she repeats. "I'll be with you in half an hour."

"Stop lying to me", I tell her softly. "Stop lying to me, and shutting me out. I want to help you."

"I'm not lying. Please get out of the doorway, so I can shower now."

I notice how she's hiding herself behind the door, only allowing me to see her face. My concern grows even more.

"Can I come in, please? I'll look away, I swear. I'll give you everything you need. I'm just really fucking concerned about you", I tell her softly.

Her eyes grow with panic when I try to step inside the bathroom.

"No! No, you can't come in. I want to be alone so let me, please", she says quickly. Loïse tries to shut the door in front of me but I push it away either way.

"Are you hiding something from me?", I ask. "What's going on- why are you acting so weird about this?"

"I don't want you to come in, that's all-"

"Well, I'll leave immediately. Just let me look for one second and I'll be gone. Please", I argue.

After our mom's passing, it hit my sister Ava in ways I thought it never would. She started self-harming. She was always shutting me out, not allowing me to talk to her or anything.