Still alive

Flying Poultry

I can’t believe I Said she’s quit, she is a damn bomb, she has been talking none stop of what seems like an eternity. How was she so quiet before? I think my ears will start bleeding soon, she even put the birds to shame, she doesn’t leave any thoughts in her head, they all have to be vomited out for me to hear.

“My ass is kinda hurting a lot from all the leaf wiping, can’t we get some toilet paper. Oh nature why must you be so cruel, my ass is so sore now” Laila cried.

“I did not need to hear that” I picked up my pace, I really need to sit and daydream so I can escape this torturous conversation, you have no idea how long I’ve been listening to her ass problems.
“Does your ass not hurt really?, you’ve been doing this way longer than me, so I guess you’re ass is a veteran now. It should earn a madel of being a solid metal ass. Are you a cyborg by any chance?".

She looked like she genuinely wanted to know.
I gave her a blank stare and tried to convey my desire to not hear anything related to our precious built-in cushions any longer, but it didn’t have the desired effect cause she continued “Well I think your as-“ “Please fucking stop already” I groaned cutting her off “ I don’t wanna talk about buts anymore please” I begged, bending over to catch my breath, all this walking and talking is really taking its toll on me. Why does it feel like we are not really going anywhere?

“ I need a drink,” I said, looking around for anything that could quench my thirst.
“ hmm, and I need to pee, ohh how about we help each other, I- “NO!!” I gave her a death stare “You didn’t even let me finish” she whined, “Yes cause I don’t want to be traumatized for life”.

It’s been 2 months since we left the pack, I think. You lose count after a couple of days especially when you are being bombarded by incredibly useless information constantly when you are trying to focus. The amount of times I had to restart counting only to lose it all over again, so I gave up after a week of trying and accepted my fate.

But it has been quiet, too quiet, we haven’t faced anyone trying to kill us for a while now, that’s not normal something is up.

We have been trying to find a witch, who could help us or be very nicely forced by Bessie’s grace to find my sister’s location but we haven’t had any luck. I’m getting impatient now.

And where are we it doesn’t look like I’ve been here before I don’t recognize anything well probably because it’s a forest and every tree looks the sam- God damn it will this damn raven shut the hell up. “ Caw Caw , what the hell do you want!!” I yelled, annoyed to the max.

Laila jumped beside me “Floof, I thought you were yelling at me” she whined and made her puppy dog eyes, easing my irritation a little “CAW” We both jumped this time, the raven had positioned himself on a branch right in front of us.

“Maybe, we should start paying attention to our surroundings more, I didn’t even hear the pigeon land in front of us” and for once she was right.

“ Caw, I’m a fucking RAVEN you little bitch!!” our eyes popped out of their sockets. “ Did the bird just talk?? Haha it must be all the talking that’s it, I’ve finally lost it, I think a bird is talking to me, haha I need to lie down”. I laughed some more.

“ Yo, this little pigeon just cursed at me,” Laila said looking horribly offended.

“I’m a Raven, what is wrong with you?” so I’m not dreaming, a collective hallucination then? We are horribly thirsty.

Only one way to find out, I touched the raven's wings. “ Caw Caw Caw, who the hell said you could touch me, how dare you touch me with those filthy sausage fingers, I have standards you know, CAW CAW” It started pecking me with its beak that hurt, so this isn’t a hallucination.

The raven looked quite disgusting it’s uncanny how its face can convey emotions so well. It started cleaning his wings where I had touched him with his beak, okay rude, even if he is a bird it should have some manners.

“ OH magic taking pigeon, are you our God-sent guardian? Please provide us with nice soft toilet paper” Laila joined her hands together and bowed down in front of him.

“ I AM NOT A PIGEON” he smacked her with his wings “ I will shit on this one,” he said very seriously.
Before Laila could respond I started “ Who are you? what do you want? Better yet what are you??” I asked.

“Lady, have you no shame? has no one told you it’s not polite to ask creatures what they are, hmm, did your parents never teach you any manners, or did they both leave to get milk and never return? Hmm,” he said getting in my face, his beak pressing against my cheek.

Okay, What the fuck why is this shitty pigeon so condescending, it’s starting to seriously piss me off. I grabbed him by his neck squeezing his throat a screech came out of his throat, it desperately flapped its wings trying to escape.

“WAIT, wait, wait, what are you doing?? He is our guardian angel”. “ We eat him” the raven screeched even louder, he shot a pleading look toward Laila.

“ No we can't eat him, he is a gift from the gods, he will lead us somewhere good you will see so we must not eat him,” Laila said in his defense.

“Plus I just ate a bunch of beetles and slimy worms on my way here” the raven managed to squeak out frantically. “hmm yum extra protein” I replied and Laila gagged scrunching her tiny nose, she looked at me “Please, don’t make me eat it”.

I glared at the raven “Listen, here you flying poultry, either you tell me what you are and why you are here or we eat you it’s as simple as that”.
He nodded frantically, and I released him from my grasp. He gasped for air and held his neck with his wings laying on his back with his legs wide open. Laila went up to him fanning his face while blowing air at him.

“start talking,” I said, he meekly held his neck up and Laila supported it with her hands. “I’m a witch's companion, she lives nearby, she sent me to check why you guys were roaming around here”.

That explains a few things, this area must be under the witch's spell that’s why there’s no dangerous creature and why this poultry can talk, Wait a witch?

“ A witch you said?” Laila asked and looked at me. “ yes I was just supposed to be watching you guys to make sure you leave but I got so damn frustrated watching you dumb things going around in circles and circles never leaving the forest, I decided to intervene to lead you guys outside”.

“Lead us to her,” I said. “ what no, my job is to show you the way out not lea-“ I flashed him with Bessie and he started flying “Right this way”.

We finally found a witch, I’m one step closer, just a bit more Mia hang on.