within the stars | skammy

six

§

Sam pulled back only seconds after we started kissing.

"What are you—?" I began to ask but he opened my door causing me to choke myself on the seatbelt which saved me from falling.

"Get out." He snapped, his eyes an unfamiliar shade of brown.

"But, why—?"

My vision was blurry and I wasn't sure if it was from the large amount of alcohol I had consumed in less than thirty minutes or the tears.

"Just get out!" He was now raising his voice and tumbling over the console to get back into his seat.

My drunk self just gawked at him until I finally told my fingers to move. They unbuckled my seat belt and I gripped the top of the car.

I felt like Bambi trying to walk for the first time, it wasn't working. I stood there and counted to ten, closing my eyes and trying to drown the drunkness.

"Go." Sam's voice was softer now, eyes darting from me to the door of my apartment. "I'll watch you get in."

Let me tell you this, nothing is sadder than walking across a parking lot with your mind drowning in its own drunken sorrow.

§ § § § §

Angry green letters bore into my eyes as I slipped down the wall and landing in my bed.

2:42 am

Knowing this would be another sleepless night, even though I had alcohol and lots of it, I wasn't tired.

He was constantly in my mind, having my sleep in the palm of his hand.

"Nate?" A soft voice asked into the darkness of my room.

"Yeah, Nash?"

Nash drummed his fingertips against the wooden doorframe. "Maybe you should try and get some sleep, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes, "get out of my room."

I knew I was acting like a child and that was okay with me.

"I think you need help." Nash's voice was soft and gentle as the two am gentleness laced itself with his voice.

"I think I don't." I huffed out a large breath of air, and rolled over with an eyeroll.

"You're not over him..." Nash's voice was strained. "It's been over a year."

"Why is that a bad thing?"

Everything burned. My lips from where his were on me. My wrist from his tight hold. My shoulder from leaning against his arm on the console. My throat from his seatbelt. Everything was drowning me.

"Please promise me you will try and get over him."

"I promise."

The promise slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Maybe I didn't want to get over him.

+ +

My finger trailed down his stomach, a warm smile on my face as I laughed at his protesting whines.

I laid my face against his side as I let my fingers trail from freckle to freckle. His skin was warm and it felt like home.

He squirmed under my grip and soon giggles were falling out from behind slender fingers covering his mouth, "stop."

I felt myself laughing too as I stopped my finger from trailing. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Of course." His tone was slightly sarcastic, so unlike him.

I just shrugged and flung a free leg around his waist, pulling me up so I was now straddling him.

"You know I love you right?" I asked and watched adoration swell up in his eyes that I adored so much.

"I love you as much as I love the Nebraskan lights."

Then, I was awake. I groaned as I felt the tears make themselves at home in my eyes.

I lied to myself a lot and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself I hated those gorgeous brown eyes and fluffy hair and his stupid positive attitude and stupid smile and oh so stupid laugh, I just couldn't convince myself to hate him no matter how hard I tried to.