#13 :: Who Killed Me?

9.

Jazmine

I couldn't let Zack know that I was lying. I hoped the story I told sounded convincing. It's much better than the truth. My mother has no problem keeping everything that happened to me a secret but is quick to tell my son he's a fucking twin! I was more than ready for bed. Today had been a long day and I couldn't take anything else life would want to throw my way. I had just taken off my clothes and climbed into bed when Dwight entered. He started undressing.

"Uh uh. Where are you going?"

"To bed?"

"There's many other rooms you can sleep in."

"You're the one here keeping up false pretences. If I'm caught sleeping elsewhere then don't you think people will get suspicious?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Ugh. Whatever, just stay far away from me."

"With pleasure."

Whilst in bed it played on my mind the conversation I had with Zack.

"You awake?" I asked Dwight.

"Yup."

"Zack knows..."

"Knows what?"

"About him being a twin..."

"He what?"

"Mum let it slip. Told him he had a twin brother."

"Oh... so what did you say?"

"Well I couldn't deny it... I stuck to the story we said we would tell if he found out."

"And he believed it?"

"I think so...I hope so... if he ever found out the truth. He would hate me. So many secrets would be revealed." I said as I thought about it.

"Well... you've got two choices. You make sure everyone who knows keeps it to themselves or, you be the one to tell him. He would only hate you more if he heard it from someone else."

"I can't... I can't tell him. Not now...I'm going to sleep. I don't want to even think about this anymore."

"You can't run from this Jazmine... slowly but surely everything is coming to light." Dwight said before he turned over.

As much as I had a lot on my mind it had been a long day and it wasn't long before I was fast asleep. The next morning when I woke up I was greeted by my sister, sitting on the sofa in my room.

"What...the...What are you doing in here?"

"We need to talk."

"Talk? What is the time?"

"Almost one o'clock..."

"Oh. Well how long you been there for?"

"Maybe half hour."

"And that's not creepy?"

"I've been gathering my thoughts."

I got up and headed to the ensuite bathroom.

"Give me five minutes." I said as I closed the door.

My sister NEVER wants to talk. What could she possibly want to talk about? Did Sanchez tell her?

So many different thoughts were going on in my head. I went toilet, brushed my teeth and washed my face before going to face the music. As I opened the door I noticed how nervous Rose was.

Maybe she doesn't know?

"So what do we have to talk about?" I said as I sat on the end of my bed opposite my sister.

"Dad being terminal has had me thinking. Life is definitely too short to be arguing over nonsense. If you was to... if anything happened to you or me we would die with the thought of my sister hates me. I don't hate you. I want to apologise. I want to put everything behind us." She said.

I smirked.

She had a nerve.

"So what exactly are you apologising for? What is it you want to put behind us?"

"Erm... well... I guess..."

"Don't start stumbling over your words. Come on big sis... if we're going to do this let's DO THIS. So what we going to talk about first? You taking Sanchez from me and never giving a fuck for my feelings? No no... because you already disliked me at that point so of course you would do something like that. Oh oh... maybe let's talk about why it is that you hate me?!"

"I don't hate you Jazmine... I thought I did... but I don't. I just... I didn't know how to deal with it."

"Ha! YOU didn't know how to deal with it? DEAL with it? Deal with what exactly? The fact that ERIC made you sit and watch every time he raped me. The fact that I cried for my big sister to come and help me and she wouldn't? Or let's talk about the time he got bored with me and wanted to go for you and I defended you and put...and let him...continue to do those disgusting things to me. Oh no no no... that ain't it though is it? Maybe... MAYBE... it's the time when you dragged my ass to the clinic for me to have an abortion; because our rapist Uncle got me pregnant!! Which one sis???? Which one is it that you didn't know how to deal with? Because if I remember correctly you smiled the whole way to the clinic, you smiled when I took that pill and you smiled when I went through all of that pain. So tell me... what the FUCK it is that you didn't know HOW to DEAL with?!"

Tears fell down both mine and Rose's face. My heart was heavy. Everyone thinks I'm some heartless cow but no one doesn't realise that every single member of my family has put me through some shit.

"I am sorry. I... I envied you..."

"You WHAT???"

"At the time... I didn't actually know it was wrong..."

"Rose just stop... JUST STOP!! You are five years older than me! You knew right from wrong!! What? You was jealous? You wanted your Uncle to abuse you? Are you kidding me?"

"In the beginning.. I didn't. I was only twelve. He always wanted to take you places and spend time with you. I didn't know then; I just thought my uncle didn't love me. Then when I saw what he was doing I thought maybe there was something wrong with me... maybe I wasn't attractive enough... it really messed with my self esteem."

I had heard enough. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

"You're sick and twisted do you know that? This is why you can't..."

"DON'T!! Don't say it!! I know what you're going to say!! It's all you ever say when you want to hurt me. Do you hate me that much?"

"YES!! YES!! You watched and never said a word!! When I begged you to tell the truth to mum and dad you told them I was lying!! So this man abused me for six years!! Only god knows if I didn't get pregnant, if he would have continued to rape me!!"

"I was a child! I wasn't strong enough to fight him off!!"

"Yeah.. but every time he came in the room and would say let me try out your sister and I would protect you I was strong enough!! You see... you have NO reason to hate me, to despise me, but me? I LOATHE you. I hate you. From the pit of my stomach. Because you did nothing! Now you want to sit there crying as if I'm supposed to feel sorry for you and forgive you. NO!! All up until now you've NEVER told the truth!! But you say you want to come here and make things right? TELL THE TRUTH!! Until then... you're dead to me! Now leave. Just leave. This whole weekend was a mistake!"

I was so angry. I was so hurt. This is the first time Rose has come to me and everything she has said is absolute bullshit.

"I tried.. but you're so mean and won't let go of the past..."

"Just get out Rose. You're really pissing me off."

"Fine!! Well don't say I didn't try!!" She said before storming off.

So I guess things are becoming a bit more clearer for you guys?

Now you know why I hate my sister...

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