His First July

Chapter Fourteen

And it's over, I'm going under
But I'm not giving up
I'm just giving in
Florence + The machine
(Never let me go)
                                  _His First July

Chapter Fourteen

COLBY

Impossibility. 

There are just some things that are impossible, no matter how possible they may seem. No matter how many people make light of an issue. Some rules can't be bent, they can't be shaken. Sometimes I ask myself silly questions like, what if I get better eventually? What if I go for a random clinical trial and my body accepts the treatment? What if I was given a second chance? To live... To get the life I'd always wanted? Where would I go first? What would I eat first? Will I travel the world like I've always wanted to? Get drunk? Prank a friend? 

The questions are endless because there are a lot of things I want to try, a lot of things I want to do, a lot of places I want to visit.

Would it be possible to put that permanent smile on my parents face, to never see that faraway look on their eyes every time they see me walking down the stairs to start a new day? Would it be possible to see the look of relief on their faces when a doctor finally says that I can be helped? To know that they're not stressing out everyday, wondering if I am still breathing? To make their life less complicated? 

Would it be possible to fall in love? To meet that special someone who could change my whole life with just a smile or the sound of their melodious laughter? Would it be possible to have a family with the partner of my dreams, take my family all over the world and give them all and more than what life gave me? 

Would it be possible to be given another chance at life? To be given another chance to be the person I always wanted to be? 

All these questions run through my mind, over and over with the sole purpose to keep me wondering. 

But... What if there was no such thing as impossibility?

My life... would have been everything I ever wanted. But- like they say, you can't always get what you want. 

And I, Colby Willis, am not allowed to want things. 

Resting my head on my hand, I turned to the next page of the philosophy book I was reading, tuning out the chatter from my classmates. 

Today had started up like every other normal school day. Although I was looking forward to the end of the day, not because I hate school, but because I was meeting Dany later to help her arrange and sort out all the graduation gowns and caps. 

I had something else I wanted to tell her, or more like ask her, and I'm sure I was going to be a nervous mess. It's not everyday you ask a girl to come over to your house. One who you have a serious crush on. Also one who's dating the school’s prince charming. 

My mind had been going crazy thinking of how she'd take it. Would she feel offended? Slap me? Think I'm a creep? 

I let out a deep breath.