31 Days of December

December 9th

God, I really hate Mondays. I just want to sleep, but no, that isn't possible. Why? Because I still have to go to classes this week. Why did I decide to go to college? Why do I have to take morning classes? That is the real question. Ten more days until I can sleep in my own bed. Let the final countdown begin.

I was back in the dreaded lecture, but somehow I managed to pay attention to it. I was exhausted, but I was in such a good mood that I could actually focus. I felt re-energized and refreshed today. Weight was lifted off my shoulder. I don't know why I was like this, but it was like I could breathe freely.

My professor was talking about meiosis. I don't know why but it bugs me every time we have to learn about the different systems in the body. Why do we have to constantly relearn it? It is the same basic information that they keep making it overly complicated. I don't remember the complicated stuff. Meiosis is just one cell that eventually divides into four and has half the chromosomes. Do not make it more complicated than it needs to be. It makes me feel stupid when they do.

After class, I made my way to my next lecture. I pushed through the crowds. Why does it seem like the traffic flow is the opposite of what I need it to be when I'm rushing to class? It makes it difficult to get to my class across campus on time, and it isn't like I'm a big person that can force my way through the crowd. I have to constantly move around people without getting run over. It is definitely the most challenging part of my day.

My next lecture was chemistry, and I wanted to cry the second I got to the lecture hall. Chemistry and I never got along. I just don't understand it, and it drives me insane. I can never remember how to use the equations, and the math just goes over my head. Don't get me started on titrations. I hate that a lot of the classes I have to take for my biology major are chemistry classes. I am too dumb to do chemistry.

After all of my classes finished, I was back at my apartment. I dove straight into my homework that I didn't finish yesterday. I was doing it while bopping to my Christmas playlist. Even though it didn't look like Christmas outside, it doesn't mean that I couldn't try to get into the Christmas mood. I love Christmas as long as I don't have to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving and past Christmas day. It never seemed fair that Thanksgiving always got overshadowed. Now stores have Christmas stuff up before Halloween. The world has gone into chaos.

"You make every day feel like it's Christmas. Never wanna stop. Feeling like the first thing on your wishlist. Right up at the top," I sang. I was more dancing along to the Jonas Brothers than doing my homework. It wasn't my fault. They released this song in early November, and I couldn't enjoy it. "I can't deny what I'm feeling inside. Nothing fake about the way you bring me to life. You make every day feel like it's Christmas. Every day that I'm with you."

While I was jamming along to Like It's Christmas, there was a knock at my bedroom door. I opened my door to see Alice. She must have just gotten back from her classes and was grabbing stuff to go study with.

"Was I being too loud?" I asked. I honestly had no idea how loud I was being.

"A little," She said as she stepped into my room. She sat at the end of my bed while I was sitting at my desk. "You seem like you're in a good mood today. Any reason why?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I woke up this morning feeling like I could take on the world. My focus is being put towards trying to survive finals."

"What about Ethan?"

"I guess I'll let him explain at some point and decide if he is worth worrying about then. It makes no sense to overthink it now without knowing the whole story. Or at least his side of it."

"There is the Hailey I know," She said with a smile.

I looked at her in confusion and asked, "What do you mean?"

"The past few days, you haven't been acting like yourself. You almost seemed on edge since you met Ethan and have a constant guard up. Usually, you go with the flow and don't worry about something as simple as if a guy likes you or not. Or if you are going to run into him or not."

"Since when did you get all cheesy?"

"Shut up. This is what I get for trying to be a good friend and roommate."

"You know something," I said. This time she was the confused one. "I want a relationship like what you have. You guys are hours apart and somehow make it work. You guys make each other happy even when he is being stupid. You make it seem so effortless, but here I am. I'm struggling to get a guy to notice me without having to literally run into him."

She laughed, "Relationships are overrated. They require so much work because now you have to worry about someone besides yourself."

"It doesn't mean that I don't want one."

"You can't force it. The best relationships come when you least expect them."

"I guess you're right," I sighed. Alice laid down on my bed, knowing that I wouldn't care. "Thanks."

"Thanks for what?" She asked.

"For listening to my nonexistent problems. For dealing with my stupidity. For helping me get through everything."

"You're welcome."

"Don't you have to study? I asked, changing the mood.

"I thought we were having a friendship moment," She said.

"Not anymore. I can only be so loving for so long."

"I don't like you."

"Good, I don't like you either."

"I would sell you to Satan for one corn chip. And I don't even like corn chips."

"Yet, you haven't," I said, causing her to gasp. Both of us then started cackling like maniacs. Alice left my room so she could do whatever. This left me alone in my room. This then caused the question of do I go back to doing my homework or not.

I sat on my phone and scrolled through memes. I was no longer in the mindset of hopping right back into schoolwork. I needed a quick break to clear my head before stressing over classes and all that fun stuff. It was only ten more days until I got to go home.

I turned my music back on and started singing, "I can't deny what I'm feeling inside. No matter the reason, no matter the season. My heart'll keep beating. You better believe. You make every day feel like it's Christmas. Every day that I'm with you. Every day that I'm with you. Every day that I'm with you."

So my life is currently a chaotic mess. I might have a new job which will require to relocate across the US again (which makes me nervous), my current job is doing a workshop all day tomorrow, and I'm 9n my period, so I have to deal with that, and honestly it's a lot. I don't know how to handle it. However, I'm excited to maybe be able to get out of the job I'm working at