Alpha's Blue (BXB)

Chapter Ten

The next morning I had prepared breakfast even before grandma woke up. She found me sitting in the living room with a cup of coffee - filled to the brim - in my hand. The television was on in front of me with its sound muted. I didn't even know what channel it was on despite my eyes settled on the screen.

It was already past lunch time by the time I came home yesterday. Grandma wasn't home and she had left me a note saying she'd be back by seven in the evening. The quiet in the house didn't help calm down the raging thoughts in my head. If anything, it fueled my confusion.

Insecurities and need for validation reared their ugly heads, and before I could've lost myself among my thoughts, my phone started ringing. I ignored it the first time, but it rang again and again until I irritatingly picked it up.

"How much longer?" Tay questioned from the other side.

"I'm busy, Tay." I snapped at him and was about to cut the call when he stopped me.

"Woah. What's wrong?" From the other side I heard him open and close the door as he spoke.

"Sorry. I just don't feel like talking." I laid down on the couch and curled into myself.

"Yeah, that's why I'm asking what's wrong." This time I heard pots clanking in the background.

"You seem busy, I'll talk to you later." I tried to cut the call again.

"Stop making excuses and tell me what's wrong." He said and I heard all the noise in the background quiet down. "Is grandma okay?" He hesitantly asked when I didn't say anything for a few moments.

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me. "She's okay."

"What's it then?" He probed again.

"I really don't want to talk about it. Please." The last word was whispered out of desperation and it seemed to have worked as Tay dropped the subject right away. Although he still continued to talk to me about everything he could think of for another hour or so.

Talking to Tay helped elevate my mood significantly. I no longer felt alone and confused. Our random conversation made me realize that I wanted to have such a conversation with Nicolas. Every time I heard Tay mention something amusing, I wondered how Nicolas would've reacted to it. I wondered if he would've laughed or just smiled, and it made me want to see him smile. I was sure his smile would've made me lose my mind the instant it appeared.

All of those thoughts brought out the courage in me. I decided to turn those imaginations of mine into reality. I certainly didn't want to give up before trying. Despite saying that, I didn't manage to catch a wink that night.

I was up all night, conjuring up different scenarios about the next day. Though the most of them were too far fetched, I was more than happy to imagine things turning out favourable no matter what I said.

The sun still hadn't come out when I decided to get out of bed. My body felt unusually heavy and stiff as I forced myself to take a shower and go downstairs. I settled on fixing breakfast for grandma to kill some time and made myself a cup of coffee to stop feeling like a zombie.

I saw grandma eyeing me while I drank my coffee and she ate her breakfast. Although she didn't say anything to me until I finished my coffee and went to wash the dishes.

"Are you okay?" She asked from behind.

"Yeah. Just had a lot on my mind." After that, none of us said a word and I busied myself with the dishes and the laundry afterward.

One of the perks of getting up so early was that I was done with most of the house chores way before lunch time. I completed the preparation for lunch, before stepping out and leaving a note for grandma to let her know I went for a walk.