The ticking of the wall clock was my companion as I woke to nature's melody outside my window. The restlessness of my sleep meant that I wasn't jolted into unfamiliarity... I knew where I was. I knew what had happened... It didn't matter where I was or how long I was away because the truth was, he would never leave me be.
But this morning... unlike every other, did come with a sense of peace that was unexpected and I couldn't pinpoint why. I tried recalling my dreams from the night before but it was mostly a fog. It felt foreign when all I was used to seeing was his face. But this morning... I swear I could still see a face, but it seemed softer. Kinder. I just couldn't quite make it out.
Who were you? Where did you come from? Why did I dream you...
Perhaps I was just losing it. Maybe I had finally tipped over the edge. That would make much more sense and explain why I was sitting up in a bed talking to myself over an illusory encounter with a stranger in my dreams at least.
Frustrated, I shelved it in the crevice of my mind and decided that today... today I would try. If not for my sake, then for Adrienne and for Neve.
Running my fingers through my hair, I moved my legs off the side of the bed one by one, hoisting them over with my arms linked underneath each thigh. Never forget you're mine. Pushing him out of my mind, I slipped into the crutches, making my way to the bathroom.
Go away.
Swinging the en-suite door open, I stood before a large mirror that was atop the double basin. A habit I had formed during the time that I'd been here. Staring at my reflection I burst into tears. I took one arm out of a crutch and lifted my top, carefully inspecting my torso. It was me, but yet it wasn't. I felt foreign to myself. I looked sick. Broken. You disgust me. I swear I could see the furrows of his inky brows mocking me from behind.
I looked away.
Leave me alone.
The internal battles were exhausting.
I was tired of being at war with myself. At war with him. His looming form, always wearing the same v-neck black shirt... It was as if he too had escaped the confines of our past, following me... his ghost-like form appearing and dissipating at his own volition just to taunt me.
Hobbling to the shower, I turned on the tap. Sitting in the chair that had been left for me inside it, I allowed the water to pelt my skin as it washed away my sins.
~
"Blue looks lovely on you, if I do say so myself!"
"Thank you Adrienne, granted it feels better than the same pair of pajamas I've been wearing for the better part of a week..."
Her reply was a wink as she placed a plate of toast and a mug of coffee on the dresser beside my bed.
A small smile etched its way across my face as I twisted my fingers through the coffee cup, taking a small sip as I admired the view from the window as she pulled the curtains open.
"Adrienne, do you have a mate? Do they mind that you aren't at your home?"
My question came from nowhere, but I knew it was because I was afraid she would need to leave soon. I needed to know if that was the case. Worried that I'd overstepped, I tried to explain, "I don't mean to pry, I just mean that you don't have to stay here with me... if you don't want to".
I cringed knowing she could see through my lie.
Stepping away from the window, she took a sip from her own mug and sat beside me on my bed. Her expression unreadable. "I do have a mate. She is working closely with Gabriel also and knows how important my role is to the pack."
Sinking a little as I exhaled, I tried to hide my relief despite wondering why I was gifted such care to begin with... what if they take it away if they know the risk in having me here?
"But I'm not a part of your pack, why take pity on me? I don't want to be a burden or liability..."
Placing her hand over mine, it was difficult to maintain my composure, my vulnerability on display. "You are no burden, nor a liability. Sometimes we are tested in life.... not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strength. You have yet to discover yours, but I can see it stirring inside of you..."
I found her statement an odd choice of words.
"I am not strong. I could have been... but it was taken from me."
There was no pain in my tone, because I believed my words to be true. It was simply fact.
Her reply was unflinching, "Just because something is gone, does not mean that it can't be found. You will get it back."
I took in her words, and what could either become my greatest mistake or not, replied, "Miesha... My name is Miesha. My mother was Alpha of the Shadow Moon Pack before my mate killed her..." Stumbling over my words, my eyes glazed over as visions of the past poured over me like a torrent on it's bed.
"My mate... he will find me. And when he does, no one will stand a chance. "
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