Being thrown away in the garbage in a dark alleyway in London when she was only a baby, she should have died that day... But she didn't.. instead, a man saved her. He brought her in and saved her, fed her, bathed her, raised her and more importantly...
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The shower was utterly heaven. The way the hot water felt like bliss on my bruises and sore muscles. I scrub the soap and sponge on my skin scrubbing my skin raw feeling tears emerge in the corners of eyes. I blink them away, crying makes you weak.. it makes you pathetic. I don't feel anything anymore.. I feel numb... completely numb... I feel nothing... I have gotten so use to feeling nothing over the years. But seeing my biological father and brothers makes my heart feel weird.. I feel something tugging my heart whenever I see them. Something telling me to hug them tightly and to never let them go.
But I have to ignore that feeling... No matter if they are telling the truth or not. I can't trust anyone. Trusting people only makes you more vulnerable. My reflection is completely disgusting and revolting. My whole body is covered in 'mikes claiming marks'. My thigh has a massive burn mark that is blistered and what looks infected. My stomach has a nasty gash mark which I had to stich myself. My ribs are badly bruised but not broken.. thankfully. My chest is covered in mikes horrid claiming marks which could be somewhat mistaken for bruises. My neck also has large claim marks as well as strangle marks. My shoulder has being really sore lately and my collar bone is poking out in an odd shape. It has being like that since he pushed me down the stairs and I landed on it. It's extremely painful and most like probably broken. Though I don't know nor do I care about it. I have an extremely high pain tolerance. I used to feel so broken and heart shuttered when I looked at the broken girl in the mirror. But now I feel nothing I just feel emptiness. As depressing and sad it is I have gotten use to the girl I see in the mirror. My back is covered in words and scars.
Thief
Slut
Bitch
Whore
Dirty
My back is the only thing what makes my heart sinks. No matter how many times I see it.. it still makes my heart sink and shutter each time. The belt marks just make it look more.... revolting. I would hate to think what my dad thinks of me.. is he disgusted of the girl I have become. Is he disgusted in what I have done and what has happened to me.
My legs are twigs and practically just look like bones. My stomach is sunken in and all my ribs and spinal cord is visible. My arms long, dangly and bony I can wrap my whole hand up my whole arms. I feel so ugly and disgusting. How can someone feel so horrible about themselves?
Bruno's hoddie reaches past my knees and looks like a massive dress on me. While the pants he gave me is way to big and even when I tighten the string it still falls down. As a resolution I have to tie a few knots so they don't fall down and fold the pants up. These clothes are way to big I really miss my old clothes. I lock the door and jump onto the massive bed. I never had a lock on my last door I wish I did. Maybe it would have helped me. although knowing Mike it wouldn't have stopped him he probably would've just kicked the door down.
I only go to sleep when it hits 2:00 am. Mike always come exactly 1 am and leaves at exactly 1:45 am every night. No matter how many times he has done it.. it still feels impossible to fall asleep afterwards. I watch the clock as every minute goes by. I still feel like I'm waiting for mike to walk in. I am still waiting for him tie me up and to muffle my cries and pleads. When it reaches 2 am I clutch my teddy bear tighter. "Goodnight dad". My whisper sends me to a blissful sleep.
"DADDY" I scream running down the corridor. Margaret looks at me and scrunches her face in disgust but I ignore her and jump into my daddy's arms. "Hello daddy, Look at bubbles". I push my teddy bear into daddy's face. He looks down at me and smiles. "He is very handsome". I smile then hug my teddy bear tightly. "Yes, he is! But not as handsome as my daddy". His smile grows wider and he picks me up spinning me around the room. My squeals and giggles fill the room. "So, what does my little bumble bee want to do today"? He says putting me on his shoulders. "Can we play music twoday"? I love playing music with daddy. We always play melodies and duets together.
"Of course, we can bumblebee but I think soon we need to find someone a bit better than me.. you are getting too good. It's hard for me to keep up". He says ruffling my hair. "Daddy don't mess up my curls"! I hate when he does that untangling my curls takes forever. He chuckles and shakes his head. He places me down on the piano seat and sits down next to me. before taking a new music book out. "I got this today bumblebee! It's got a beautiful piece called Clair de lune. You could play it at the piano recital and it's a good challenge for you". I smile widely and make grabby hands. "Thank you daddy! Gimme gimme"! He places the music book in front of me. And I instantly start playing and reading the notes. My dad says it is remarkable of how easily and how well I can read and play music. I can play just about anything he puts in front of me. The music academy has being watching me very carefully and in a few weeks I am going to be the youngest person ever to play at their concert.
Music has always being such a big part of my life. But what really hooked me to the piano was how the music felt beneath my finger tips and chest. It always feels like the music is soaring out of my heart into my fingertips. Unleashing every emotion and every feeling. I close my eyes feeling every note carefully and feel the music glide through and out of me. Like a massive sound wave swarming through like a tsunami. Making the crescendos glide through the song dramatically and making sure to play the fortes with mite. I play the decrescendos softly and delicately paying through all the sadness I have ever felt. I might be only six but I have still gone through quite a lot.
Once I have finished I looked at dad with a red blush and hopeful eyes. "How was that daddy"? He smiles and kissed my temple while caressing my cheek. "You are way to talented bumblebee. One day you will grow up and go to Julliard". I look at him and tilt my head. He chuckles softly and cups my face in his hands. "I am so proud of you bumblebee I couldn't off asked for a better baby girl".
"I love you daddy".
"I love you too bumble bee".
"Can I play again"? I ask hopeful which he just chuckles. "Yes, bumble bee, play again".
