Christmas Kiss

Chapter Eleven

I couldn't face Steve right now, to many emotions were running through me, even though they were distant memories it still hurt as much as it did back then, when he chose her over me.

Logical it was stupid but when your heart hurts just as much as it did back then, logic be damned my heart was hurting. After all these years that has gone by, being around him all those feelings I had as a little girl came back full force.

Even as a grown woman they still were there for Steve. I tried to ignore them thinking they were just remnants of my youth but the more I'm around him the more they flair to life.

Here I was hiding in my room under my covers trying to shut out the world like I used to all those years growing up living in my own little world. I could hear Steve knocking but I just laid there on my side not answering.

I felt the bed sink down a bit, I knew Steve was behind me, his scent hit me and I took a deep breath.

"What's going on Laura?" he quietly asked. How could I tell him my feelings? What would he say to that, would he laugh and call me childish, or were just friends? either one would still burn a hole bigger in my already hurt heart.

I took a deep breath, "I don't think you want to hear what's going on inside of my head Steve" I said. I could hear him breath, not saying a word, but then I felt him shift his weight and his arm wrapping around me pulling my back to his chest.

"Laura, I always want to know what is going on in your mind and what your feeling, you know this I always have and always will" he whispered in my ear. His cheek was resting on the side of my head which had his lips inches from my ear.

"That night before my uncle and sister were killed, you told my sister you had feelings for her, and it left a huge hole in my heart, because I always thought of you were mine, even how young we were and I had to wait till I was older to tell you, but I heard that and then today and the other day you kept saying just friends.

I get it that you don't see me in that light, and its fine but that young heart that used to dream of being with you was buried deep and put away. Until I saw you the first day I was here, since then I kept denying my feelings but the box unwrapped itself from its hidden place deep in my heart.

The butterflies have been dancing every chance they get when you are around. I have enjoyed our time in the cabin, but I know you don't feel the same as I do and that's okay, I just need some moments here and there to stuff them back away".

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, wiping the tears away from my eyes, I finally told him my deepest secret that I have held onto since I was a little girl with big brown eyes who used to daydream about being with that boy who would always protect her and care for her as no one else seemed to bother to do.

I could hear Steve take a few deep breaths, he rolled me over onto my back, I laid there looking up into his beautiful golden-brown eyes, I saw they were misty as mine were.

"Laura, oh my sweet dear little mouse, that night I told your sister that I cared for her because I did care for her but not in that way that you're thinking or were thinking. She was a friend and I knew your uncle was drinking, to the extent that he was, no but I just didn't think she should go.

I thought if I told her that I cared for her she would change her mind and spend time with me, but that wasn't the case, she went anyway and blew me off. You see Laura there has ever been one girl that I have always held my heart.

She was a tiny little thing, but very mouthy for her age. She was and is a few years younger than me, but I knew she was the one for me. I had to wait till we would be of age to where I could tell her how I felt.

But I tried to show her in other ways that she was mine, I always tried to protect her the best I could in every way I could.

Her parents took her away from me, for years I had no idea where she was, what she was doing, were people treating her right, taking care of her? There were so many questions that I had over the years.

I never stopped caring for this one girl that held my heart, until one day she walked back into my life like a miracle. She was my saving angle, this girl who is drop dead gorgeous in my eyes.

A five-foot nothing girl with brown eyes that remind me of a doe, so innocent and beautiful and kind, she developed a body with curves that any woman would be grateful to have.

She let her brown hair grow long to where it flows down her back but likes to keep it up either in a braid or a messy bun, yes, I read those damn girlie magazines at my aunts when I visit.

You see my little mouse, your bear has never forgotten about you, and you are the only one that has ever held my heart, I told you that we would be friends because I wasn't sure how you felt about us learning to navigate a relationship.

I was scared of your reaction after all these years little mouse, you still scare me but I love the feelings that you invoke out of me. I have missed you so damn much my little mouse.

I never want you to leave me again, ever" he said. We laid there looking at each other. Everything came rushing back with his words, in his own way he always did want me, even now he still does.

I wrapped my arms around him, "one thing you should know about me Steve, I never had a boyfriend, or been kissed or anything of that nature. I compared every guy to you as I was growing up.  And none of them stood a light to you". I whispered.

He leaned back a bit, "well then my little mouse, if you let me even though we can't go anywhere, will you let me court you like the old days?" he asked.

I looked deep into his eyes "I would love that Steve" I whispered.