Behind These Wings

Admission

When Izzy awoke, something had changed.

She still felt conflicted, choosing between the fear that imprisoned her mind and the love that enraptured her heart. She was still scared that if she was to go to Drew, Darren would find out and hurt him. She still wasn't sure as to whether she could live with the pain of knowing that she had caused his suffering. She still didn't know if she was strong enough to say the words.

However, she knew now that she trusted Drew. She believed in his love for her. She may be worthless in the eyes of many but she understood now that Drew didn't see her this way. To him she was special and that was the only thing that really mattered to Izzy.

She could live with the pressure, the stares and the whispers but only if she knew that she had Drew by her side.

She couldn't survive this alone.

Not anymore.

The struggle was too much, yesterday had proved that to her. Sitting at that table watching the Saints laugh and joke with each other, enjoying each other's company whilst indulging in copious amounts of food made Izzy realise that it had been far too long since she had let go. It had been far too long since she had really lived.

She had been going through the motions. Wake up, put on her mask, fulfil her duties and go to sleep. She hadn't had fun in months and she was tired of it.

Tired of performing for every waking hour.

Tired of shutting people out.

Tired of having her life controlled.

Her body was still in discord but one side was beginning to win. Izzy only hoped it could sustain to a victory.

Detangling her limbs from the warm clutches of the duvet she battled her way to the full length mirror that stood in the corner of the room, often forgotten by both Izzy and Drew in the past. Before Izzy had left there had been little time in their hectic lives to stop and observe their appearances. What little time they did possess they preferred to spend looking at each other rather than themselves.

However when she had returned, Izzy would often find herself with only the mirror for company. She would face the mirror and study her outline; she would look at herself side on and evaluate every curve of every bone. She had to ensure that her body looked as perfect as it possible could. She was a role model after all, people expected her to be perfect in every way.

Today was different though.

Today Izzy looked into the mirror and saw an angel that she didn't know. The young female staring back at her looked lost and confused. She looked broken and tortured. She looked frail and ill.

For the first time Izzy felt disgusted by what she had become. She was revolted that she had driven her body to this extent but she didn't know if she could stop. There were some roads on which you couldn't just turn around and pretend it had never happened. Some changes can never be reversed. Some choices can never be undone.

Letting a few tears drop for the girl that would never return Izzy made up her mind there and then.

Yes, something's would never change and yes, this decision was not the easy option. It was not the simple choice but she couldn't go on just existing and pretending that that was enough.

Throwing on random articles of clothing, the first her fingertips came into contact with, Izzy blitzed around the room. She was ready in minutes and sprinted past the surprised guards on the door before her mind could overpower her heart.