Surreptitiously In Love

Everything is clear now.

おめでとう好きだった人 (Omedetō suki datta hito) — Congratulations to your first love.

Since the question and answer portion, I couldn't help but bug Yuzuru about it. He would just frown at me and say, "Hey, let's just forget about it!" And just act like I didn't ask at all. I was just curious! I mean, I think I have the rights to know about his love life, 'cause I'm a friend. It's not like I'm gonna expose him to the media. I kept asking and asking, but no response. Ah, this boy. How could he hide things from his personal assistant?

--

"Mom, what do you mean you got me a job?" I asked my mother as she was trying to get me to go downstairs. She said someone is going to talk to me. I don't like talk thingies.

"Just come down and I'll explain further. I promise you, you'll love this job."

I thought, why would I? She knows that I'm a pile of lazy bones, so why would I love this job? Nevertheless, I still went to the receiving area reluctantly.

I saw a familiar silhouette sitting on our couch. My eyes suddenly widened, and my hands automatically covered my mouth in surprise.

"Brian.. Orser? Coach Brian Orser!?" I gasped, and Coach gave me a smile. I can't believe I'm seeing the man who is training Yuzuru Hanyu. I hesitantly sat in the opposite couch, feeling all nervous.

"What brought you here, uhh, sir?" I didn't know what to say. I was kinda starstruck.

"I heard you're a big fan of Yuzuru?" He asked. It made me chuckle, and my face went all red in embarrassment. All I did was nod.

"Y-Yes, you could say that. Are you here to tell me to stop? Am I going overboard?" I kidded. Coach laughed at my sentences and shook his head.

"Well, your mom and I know each other for a long time already. Even before I trained Yuzuru." He said. I looked at my mother who is sitting beside me. I had that 'why didn't you tell me?' look in my eyes.

"You seemed to be trustworthy enough.. um, Aren, was it?" Coach Brian asked. "Yes," I replied. My heart started to beat faster—I think I know where this is going.

"Do you want to be Yuzuru's personal assistant?"

--

I still remember the day Coach hired me. I was overall excited about this job because I finally get to be with Yuzuru everyday. But I didn't know it will feel different. I'm so close to him yet so far. Anyway, Coach said 'personal assistant,' and nothing more.

I also remember the extra deal my mom and I had.

"If ever.. can you refrain from telling him that you.. um, "like" him? Even as a fan. He might misunderstand and be uncomfortable around you. We don't want that to happen, don't we, Aren?"

What makes me laugh is that even though I haven't told him what I really feel, he seems to be already uncomfortable around me. Nowadays. What is funnier is that, all of a sudden. He would tell me all his problems but then since that day, he kinda stopped. I kept bringing up the topic mainly because I want to know the girl he likes even though I'll probably hurt myself. I'm a masochist.

But Coach was right though, Yuzuru shouldn't think about girls and focus on his career first.

So I picked up the paperbags in the receptionist's table. We ordered lunch today. I'm going to deliver these to the boys. I sighed and walked back to the rink, but they're not there. I looked around and noticed that the locker room's door is slightly opened, so I got the idea that they're there.

Once I walked towards it, I could hear Javi and Yuzuru's voices clearly. They seemed to be talking about something, so I stopped and hid behind the door.

"Should I tell her what I feel..?" I heard Yuzuru's voice. So it is true that he's in love with some girl. Hearing this conversation made me even more curious. I know it's not a good idea to listen to other's private talk so please forgive me.

"Wait, maybe it's just infatuation?" Javi answered.

"But everything she does.. they're all perfect and beautiful.." Yuzuru replied. "Is that.. what do you call that.. infatuation?"

"I don't know. What I know is that you sure are thinking about her a lot lately. Maybe you should tell her? 'Cause you're losing focus, you know."

"So that's why he's been acting like that.." I whispered to myself. He said that the girl's moves are perfect and beautiful.. Yep, definitely a skater. Maybe Yuzu wants to stay away from other girls to show that he's really into her. I should prove that I'm just his assistant, and that I'm not going to be a roadblock.

I decided to open the door completely with a grin in my face. I hope it doesn't look forced. "Heyyy! Here's your lunch." I greeted them like I heard nothing. I gave Javi his lunch and he uttered a "Thanks!" Next is Yuzuru. I handed him his paperbag, still smiling.

"Here's your lunch, sir!" I said. He had this puzzled look in his face. "Thank you..? But why are you-"

I interrupted his sentence. "Do you have your water bottle with you, sir? Or should I buy you juice?"

Javi looked at me with the same face. I shifted my eyes from Javi to Yuzuru, then back to Javi. "Do you also want juice?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine, Aren!" Javi smiled. I returned the action and finally gazed back to the Japanese. "So, what's your decision?"

"I'm fine with my water, thank you." Yuzuru smiled at me, but it faded right away. He held the paperbag firmly.

"Okay! Now, if you would excuse me, I'll have to do some things outside." I said, walking towards the door.

"Aren't you going to join us?" I heard Yuzuru from behind. I shook my head. "Nope, I'll have my lunch later. Please enjoy your food!"

I exited the room and shut the door close. I stood there for a minute, as I could feel tears forming in my eyes. It was uncontrolled.

"Why?" I asked myself just after a tear streamed down. I wiped it and paced away. This is what I'm supposed to do anyway. Act like an assistant. This isn't going to be hard at all.. right?

I guess even though mom and I didn't have the deal, I still won't be able to confess my feelings.

[A/N: This is rushed. No, not really, but this chapter isn't really important.. or is it just me? I had writer's block, so I had to make this with the few ideas that remained on my mind. Also—Boys are complicated.]