Surreptitiously In Love

Not anymore.

さよなら (Sayonara) — So long; Farewell

"Damn it.. Damn it!"

Yuzuru kept cursing, sometimes in Japanese. I stood at the door with Coach, looking at him with the same expression: worry. Yuzu hit our room's wall once earlier. He might've bruised himself, or even have a scratch or something. That's why I'm worried.

NHK is over. He was 4th place. It was enough to qualify for the next event, but he is clearly not satisfied with that.

"Yuzuru, please calm down." Coach Brian finally walked to Yuzuru. But as for me, I couldn't take one step from my place.

"I didn't get the gold, Coach." He whispered, audible enough for me to hear. "I didn't win."

"You won," I hesitately ambled towards him, "You got 4th place, and you qualified for-"

"But I promised you that I'll get the gold!" Yuzuru exclaimed. His was teary-eyed when he looked at me. The last time I saw him like this was back in Cup of China.

I gulped and looked down. "Even if you win the gold, I won't be able to stay, Yuzu. My flight is tomorrow morning."

He didn't say a thing in return.

"Yuzuru, I know you and Aren had a deal but I also know that you knew that she won't be staying even after you win, right?"

Still, he was quiet.

I sighed loudly and brushed my hair with my fingers. Yuzuru just stood there, and I sat on the bed. I closed my eyes. When did things start to become this stressful?

"Why won't you just stay.." Yuzuru spoke. "I.. I'll tell your mom that I'll take care of you. I mean, I'll make sure that nothing bad happens to you!"

"That's not the only thing, Yuzu," I answered, looking back to him. "University. I want to study."

"You choose university over me?"

"Yuzuru!" Coach raised his voice.

"Yes." I immediately responsed, standing up. "Look, Yuzu, I love you so much. But would you choose me over figure skating?"

Coach looked at me, surprised at what I said. Yuzuru looked as surprised as Coach. He was speechless for a moment. I'm not sure if it was because of my I love you, or my question.

"Figure skating is not the issue-"

The question.

"But am I right? Of course not, you won't give up skating for me. You never will. That's why I.. won't also give up university. And my family."

Yuzuru crinkled his brows into a frown and bursted out of the hotel room, slamming the door shut. I knew those were quite harsh words, but it's the truth. It didn't just hurt him, it hurt me too.

"Did you really have to say that?" Coach queried, looking at the walls in front of us. He buried his hands into his pockets.

"I feel like I needed to." I laughed, hoping that this would lighten up the mood.

"You're leaving tomorrow and you just fought with Yuzuru." He finally looked at me, and I did the same.

"Isn't it great?" I forced a grin and sighed, "But please make sure that he's going to the airport tomorrow. I.. want to see him for the last time."

Coach Brian nodded and smiled at me. "Sure."

Of course, I have to sort this out before I go.

"Aren," Coach called after a silent moment, looking back at the wall. "Remember the day you first came to the club?"