consequences// 5SOS

24

Isabelle

A few days had passed.

My pain was getting bearable now, thankfully, and I managed to sit up properly. My hands were a little shaky, and I was quite light headed, but I was due to start chemo soon so I would feel shit again.

I was just so exhausted.

Lewis sat in my room with me but I had no energy to speak, and just looked down at my bed sheets.

I didn't know what to say, or do, or if I wanted to say or do anything at all.

Really, I wished it would just end.

"Would you like a movie on?"

"No thanks,"

"A book?"

"No. My pain and the feeling of this bed are overwhelming me," I said, tearing up, "If I do anything else I will explode,"

He nodded and went back to the computer, typing for a few moments, before turning back to me.

"I think you should sleep, or plug in headphones and watch something,"

"Okay,"

He passed me my phone and fished headphones from my bag, then I leaned slightly on my side and watched some videos.

It definitely distracted my mind in the end, but then Ashton came in to feed me and I went back to my previous state.

"Hey beautiful," he whispered, kissing my head, "What are we watching?"

"Nothing,"

"I don't mind if you carry on,"

"I think her senses are a little overwhelmed," Lewis said for me, "We are taking it one step at a time,"

"From the pain?"

"And my head,"

"Your head hurts?"

"No, but I am stressed,"

"Oh darling, we have this under control. You are healing so well, and everything is looking 10x better than we expected!"

"I feel really anxious,"

"Would you like to talk to the counsellor again?"

"No,"

"I can find a different one?"

"No,"

"It would be a really good thing,"

"I don't want to talk right now,"

"Sometimes what you need is not what you want,"

"Isn't it, sometimes what you want is not what you need,"

"Not today," he said, sticking his tongue out, "On today's menu we have some protein, with a side of pizza- if you'd like to try a slice,"

"Yes please,"

"Brilliant, and if you reject it, that's okay. Your body is recovering,"

"I miss the taste of pizza,"

"Then it must mean you want to have a bite to eat,"

He gave me the food, quietly talking to me about one of the arguments he overheard from mum and dad. I knew it was meant to be funny, and the argument was kind of stupid, but it just made me more upset and I burst into tears.

The concern in his eyes was striking, and he tilted his head slighting to the side.

"Babygirl,"

"I can't,"

"Lewis, can you come and feed her?"

"Sure,"

He took Ashton's place, then Ashton stood beside me and lightly hugged me, placing gentle kisses ontop of my head.

"It all hurts,"

"I know darling,"

"I don't even have a mum and dad here to help, and you guys have to work, so people have to babysit me all day. Lewis should be getting experience, not sat on the computer,"

"Lewis is that good that he needs to give his competition chance to catch up,"

"That's not how it works,"

"You don't see, but I do so much round the hospital. Sitting in your room for some quiet an hour a day is a blessing," he laughed, "I promise,"

"Can I have the pizza now?"

"Of course," he laughed, passing it over.

Nervously, I took a bite, cringing as I swallowed with the tube in my throat. However, it went down, and seemed to stay down. The taste of it was worth it.

"That's better ay?"

"I fucking love pizza,"

"Bless you," Lewis said, "Well I am glad that has cheered you up,"

I chose not to eat the crust, and Lewis threw the remainder away before saying goodbye and heading off. Ashton then perched on the end of my bed and let me stay in his arms, gently scratching my head.

"In about am hour I am gonna take some blood and decide on whether to do chemo right now, or wait,"

"Okay,"

"How is your body feeling?"

"A little stronger,"

"Good. How does laying in a huge machine for half an hour sound?"

"Incredible,"

"We'd better get going then!"

I giggled quietly and sighed, holding his hand.

"I love you,"

"I love you too," he said quietly, tucking my hair behind my ear, "And so does Kaykay, and all of our friends,"

"You are very soft-spoken,"

"I can shout if you'd like,"

"I'm okay, thanks,"

He tucked me in and then began to move my bed, heading down so that I could have a scan. They weren't my favourite thing in the world, but they weren't the worst. At least it was some quiet to soothe my mind.

A bunch of people helped me into the machine, then Ashton got a page so I was left alone with them.

It was Monday tomorrow, and I assumed if the scans were okay, Ash would have me back on chemo on Tuesday with everyone.

I throughly enjoyed being alone for a little while, but once I got back to my room it was quite consuming.

"Please can you get Dr Blaisdell?" I asked the nurse who was drawing blood since Ashton wasn't back.

"I can see if she is free,"

"Thank you,"

"Do you need anything?"

"Maybe some water, please,"

"Of course. If you start to feel really dizzy then let someone know,"

She called for Kaykay, waiting with me until she came, shutting the door on the way out. I smiled and she sighed, kissing my head.

"Today is busy,"

"Oh,"

"Yeah,"

"You can go,"

"Are you okay?" she said, sitting, "I haven't even seen Ash today to speak to him,"

"It's been a good day,"

"Well that is brilliant,"

"Yeah, it's getting easier,"

"So you'll be okay if I go and see my patient? I'm scrubbing into surgery,"

"Yeah,"

"Good! Hopefully things continue in the direction they're going in,"