𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲

chapter 11

A/N: Finding out a little bit more about Y/N's past...

Your mother isn't in the living room when you enter your apartment, so you head to her room and smile when you see her sitting up in bed. You sit with her and take a slice of the apple she has on a plate beside her, watching the show she's playing on her laptop.
"How are you finding school?"

She asks you this to check on you every so often, because she's still worried that there could be a repeat of what happened to you in your previous school - she knows the people are much better and that you're clearly a lot happier here, but that doesn't stop her from becoming paranoid.

"It's amazing, better than I even imagined," you say and she lets out a relieved sigh, before asking about Seojun. She knew him after seeing him a few times while visiting his mother in hospital, and thought he was a really sweet boy.
"Seojun? Oh, he's good," you say, and you hesitate for a moment before turning to face her completely, "I've been meaning to ask you something though."

She nods to let you know that she's listening, motioning for you to speak. You begin to explain to her about the encounters you've had with Seojun recently that have made your heart go crazy, not understanding why.
"Maybe you like him," she suggests carefully, and you shake your head with a laugh.

"Why would I like him? I mean sure he's handsome, and kind, and funny, and he takes care of me, and I guess I think about him a lot, and I did get a little sad when I saw him with Jugyeo-" you suddenly gasp and freeze when you realise you're rambling, turning your head to face your mother with wide eyes.

"Oh my god. I like him, don't I?" She just has an endeared smile on her face as she nods, but it drops when she sees how scared you are by the new revelation. You start breathing heavily and looking around in panic, and your mother realises what's happening almost instantly.

"I can't like him, he's my best friend. It can't happen, there's just going to be a repeat of last time," you mumble, and she wraps her arms around you and pulls you into her embrace, knowing why you're so afraid.
"The only boy I've ever liked humiliated and bullied me in front of my entire school, what's to say that won't happen again? What if I get my hopes up and he ends up being the exact same, I can't handle that kind of embarrassment again. What if-"

"-Baby, calm down," she hushes you, "He's not the same, he won't hurt you like that one did. He's a lovely boy, that much is clear," she tries to reassure you, rubbing your back to help you calm down, "I haven't met him much but I can already tell that he's a good person. From the way you talk about him and the few times I've spoken to him, he won't do that to you. We both know that."

You stay quiet, knowing she's right. You know Seojun is a good person and he's nothing like him, but you can't help but feel paranoid and think of the worst case scenarios. Your mother runs her fingers through your hair and massages your temples lightly to help you calm down.

You eventually begin to feel yourself relaxing in her arms, tiredly letting your head drop onto her shoulder completely. You fall asleep listening to the comforting sound of her heartbeat, and being in her arms helps ease your mind. When you wake up the next morning you're still laying together, her arms wrapped around you tightly. She hadn't let go of you once throughout the night.

In the days that follow you're still coming to terms with the fact that you like Seojun; You're very jumpy and distracted at school, not paying attention in lessons, and your classmates notice. When you go to school you're unusually quiet, especially around Seojun. In one of your lessons the next day you're just staring into space, not noticing that your teacher is picking on you.

He'd picked up on the fact that you were in a daze and calls your name, but you don't react. Suho has to lean forward and tap your shoulder, and it's only at that point when you snap out of your daze. You flinch and look back at him in shock.
"What?" you ask him.

"The teacher is asking you a question," he mumbles, and when you finally look around you realise everybody is looking at you. You apologise for not paying attention before quickly copying up what's on the board, furiously writing with your face practically buried into your book. A few of your classmates throw you worried glances, but eventually go back to listening to the teacher.

You look up after a few minutes and glance around the room, and you happen to meet Seojun's gaze. He raises his eyebrows in question, as if you ask if you're alright, and you send him a little smile to reassure him that you're fine.

When he asks you afterwards, you just brush it off with the excuse that you hadn't slept much the previous night because you were studying. It was partially true; you hadn't been sleeping well for the past few days, but it was because you couldn't stop thinking about your new feelings for Seojun.

He seems unconvinced but eventually drops it, and when you begin to go back to your normal self after a few days he decides to not pry any further. You go back to your regular bubbly self, and you act the same while learning to hide your crush.

Sua, Soojin, Jugyeong, Taehoon and Suho had all formed a study group for maths, and after one of their study sessions they call you to ask if you want to join them for some karaoke. They had asked if you wanted to join their study group and math academy too, but you rejected the offer.

Ever since your mother had been diagnosed with cancer, not only did you not have the time to attend extra lessons, you also didn't have the money. You had to balance studies and looking after your mother while she was ill, and you also had a part-time job to help pay for your mother's bills whenever she was hospitalised.

That's why you've always learnt everything by yourself with hard work and dedication, because you needed the extra money just in case something happened again. You often just sat at the table in your mother's hospital room and studied there, and made sure to study hard so that you wouldn't worry your mother about your grades. You didn't really tell your friends about that though, instead just telling them that you didn't have the time to attend.

When you receive a call from Sua asking if you want to join them for karaoke, though, you panic. You just tell her that you have to get some studying done before ending the call quickly, trying to get over the fear that's starting to build up inside you from the trauma her question brings. You still haven't sung in front of your friends, and you don't think you will be ready to for a while.

Something that has always helped you through your hardships is music. You've loved to sing since you were a little girl, and it's always just been something that could effortlessly help cheer you up and calm your heart and mind. The two things that you have always cherished are your mother and singing, and when your mother became ill your music helped you get through it.

Your mother always adored your singing, and you knew it always made her smile and relax whenever she heard your beautiful voice, so you've always been singing for her. When she was in the hospital and couldn't sleep, you would sing for her. Whenever she was afraid that the cancer would claim her life, you would sing for her. When she was stressed out after losing her hair from the chemotherapy treatment, you would sing for her.

Not only did it help you forget about your struggles for a short while, it was also healing for her too. Your singing helped her get through so many hardships and cleared her heart and mind of any worries and stress. It helped her forget about all of her pain, because all she would focus on was the beautiful sound of your voice.

However, after getting bullied for being a good singer - among many other things - in your old school, it shattered your confidence and you ended up never singing in front of anyone aside from your mother. You cowered away whenever singing was mentioned, and eventually just stopped doing it altogether.

It's a part of your identity, but you just didn't have the confidence to tell anybody about it when you joined your new school. There's still this fear in your heart that if you do it could end up with you being bullied once again, and while you know that your new friends are completely different to the people in your old school, your fear always overpowers that.