For the damned | ✓

21

THERESA SIGHED AS SHE took a spot beside Delilah on the front row. She pinned up her hair, applying lipstick as they waited for the professor to arrive. Honestly, if they weren't roommates Theresa probably wouldn't have been there, the sounds that escaped her when she got up not sounding anywhere close to happy at all. Delilah didn't mind it that much, but as long as she was having fun it didn't matter to her how early she had to wake up. There had been a time when she woke up early enough to see the sunrise in high school after all.

Her thoughts wandered to Mateo for a moment. After Helio had left, he had disappeared through the floor as well without a word. When he had returned an hour later, his usual smile was back on his face, voice airy and words light-hearted. She knew better than to say anything about it. The both of them had heard Helio when he had agreed to a week. Now it was time for him to say his goodbyes.

"This class better not be interactive again," Theresa said, leaning back in her chair," remember a week ago when he started asking me questions? I am literally only physically present, my brain only starts working after ten am on business days."

"Reasonable time," Delilah nodded, smiling at her," and your fortune for today was quite good, so I don't think you will be bothered that much."

"That's right," Theresa recalled," where have you been my whole life, Delilah? I was simply out here hoping for the best, at least now I know what to expect."

"I like going in my days without an idea of where it'll go," she said," it feels like a blank canvas I get to paint."

"To set on fire, you mean," Theresa said, eyes flickering with something undecipherable as she rubbed her temple," I'm sorry, must be the fatigue. I am just so used to things being really screwed up. You are the first real friend I've ever had, it's a weird feeling."

"If it helps, most of my friends are ghosts," Delilah offered.

Theresa chuckled, shaking her head. "I get that, mine haunt me too." She fidgeted at the buttons of her blouse, closing another as she evaded her gaze. "The only friends I've ever had were male, but they are all the same, aren't they? I suppose they never really were my friends."

Delilah remained silent and she continued, voice breezy. "It's fine, I'm used to it. The only thing I'm good at is loving others anyway."

"Tess," Delilah began, but Theresa grabbed her hand, squeezing it.

"By the way," she said," you never mentioned what happened with that handsome man who came by. Is he your boyfriend?"

"No," Delilah said, Theresa's hand surprisingly cold against her skin," just a friend."

"You better get someone who treats you right," Theresa grinned at her," I'll smack him otherwise, alright? I've got quite the temper at times. I got it from my mother, I swear."

Delilah blew her a kiss, Theresa catching it dramatically, like it was an arrow piercing her heart. Over the past month she had gotten to know her roommate quite well, but the vulnerability she exposed in brief moments like this always came ad a surprise. She had told her she would stop chasing love in the beginning, but it felt like she couldn't. Like she had the feeling that the price she had to pay for being a woman was giving up her heart.

The jokes Theresa made about rather dying than looking bad felt heavier each day as Delilah watched her put on the makeup. She always loved applying her lipstick, but for Theresa it almost felt like she was weaponing herself for a war she was obliged to fight in. The pressure was a little too hard, the red pigment crushed and her knuckles white. When she looked at herself in the mirror, it never seemed like she was really seeing herself.