dear diary, // minsung

sixteen,

1/28/21

I know everyone has their insecurities. Some people are insecure about their weights and some their teeth. Insecurities range from anything really, and everyone has to deal with them in some form.

I guess today I really want to delve deep with my insecurities, why I'm insecure over them, all that sad stuff.

Firstly, I'm insecure over my chubby cheeks. I've always been picked on in primary school because of them. I was constantly compared to a chipmunk and squirrels. People would leave acorns on my desks, and Alvin and the chipmunk merchandise in my backpack.

It was even worse when I ate food. I never noticed that I store food in my cheeks when I chew, and it made the jokes even worse. I became the laughing stock amongst my grade level. It got to a point where I was afraid to eat in front of people. I still have a problem with it sometimes.

I would pray at night that my cheeks were just baby fat. They would mysteriously disappear one day with the rest of the chubby parts of my body. I would really mark the day they finally sunk in. Where I could be an attractive man with sharp cheekbones and sunken in cheeks.

Unfortunately, that day hasn't come.

I think something else I feel distressed about is my eyesight. If I took off my glasses right now, I would only see blurry variants of words. Everything would easily blend together in a white and black blob on this paper.

Ever since I was a little kid, maybe around two or three, my parents had started to notice how clumsy I was. The bad eyesight really didn't help. I was always bumping into walls from turning down the hallway too early and tripping over cords I couldn't see. I was squinting my eyes everywhere I went, trying to figure out what was in front of me.

I got glasses when I was three years old. I was officially the four-eyed kid when I walked through the school doors.

I was always really scared to put contacts in my eyes. Why would I ever want something touching my eye, let alone resting on top of it for hours every day? It seemed like a pain to get them on. Of course I wanted the teasing to stop, so I've tried a few times to put them on. Every time the contract lens was a few centimeters within my eye, I started to cry and fell into a panic. I had to suck it up and wear my glasses every day, because I couldn't go without something to improve my horrible vision.

I was one of the only kids in school with glasses, and everyone was really confused as to the weird object I had rested on my face. People would make fun of my vision here and there, and I would always wonder to myself 'Did I not eat enough carrots? Did I run into a wall too hard that my vision was just dumbed down?'

These insecurities have made my confidence tumble and fall down a large hill. They haven't hit any rocks to break their fall so as of now, they slowly move down hill.

It's funny how I never mention any of these things to anyone. To all the people around me, I could be a happy boy or simply numb to everything around me? Or that nothing bothers me? It's quite really the opposite, but I don't know if I've ever shown anyone my true feelings. Even Hyunjin is left in the dark sometimes.

Anyways, I've finished another book. I'm going to go to the library the next time I have a spare hour during school. Hopefully it's soon.

Minho felt his heart ache at the words displayed on the paper in front of him. How could one be so good at hiding their feelings that no one around them notices?

And how can Minho help his poor soul that's suffering so silently?

Although most entries in the diary were not too heavy on the heart, the ones that were felt like there were bricks toppled on Minho's back. He felt so helpless just reading these entries the boy had written.

The feeling then settled in that the date was extremely close to the day he found it. Minho groaned since he had not found the boy. It was almost as if the name was on the tip of his tongue, and the boy so close he was almost within reach.

After whipping his list back out from the hidden depths of his drawer, Minho crossed out Felix and Jeongin's names. They didn't wear glasses, nor did they have chubbier cheeks. All that was left was Kim Seungmin and Han Jisung.

God please give me an answer to who he is.

What would Minho do if he didn't find out exactly who it belonged to, Seungmin or Jisung? Would he have to read the diary again and read more thoroughly? Possibly ask both of them and find out who it belongs to?

What if it didn't belong to either of them?

Minho sighed to himself. He was praying that there happened to be at least 3 more entries, but he knew it was pointless. There could possibly be one more by the pattern of the boy's entries being every few days, but even the chance was slim considering this current entry was written a couple of days prior.

Well I guess there's only one way to find out.

~~~

sorry for the short chapter but not sorry because

it's a double update ahaha