Needing (not edited)

Levi (13)

Great. Monday. I. Fucking. Hate. School. And I don't understand people who think that I do aka my parents. Ugh.

I rolled out of bed and got changed. After, I did what I always do and ran downstairs to find my brother, you guessed it, eating cereal. "Can you find any other food to eat?" I asked grabbing a bowl so I could make oatmeal.

"I could, but it's too much effort, so no. Sorry." And with that, he was back to his Honey Nut Chex.

After we both ate, we got in our car and drove to school, meaning I drove to school. Of course, Luke went to meet up with his friends as soon as we got out of the car, and I went into the school alone, like usual. As I was fiddling around with random shit in my locker, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, no one was there. Probably just imagining things.

I felt it again though, but this time on the other shoulder. Yet again, no one there. This is creepy. It happened again. I wasn't going to turn around this time, knowing there wouldn't be anybody there. I heard somebody clear their throat, though, so I did. To my surprise, Jasper and Luke were standing there. "Were you two the ones who were tapping my shoulder then vanishing?" I asked.

"Yes," Jasper casually answered.

"Figures. Don't do that. It's annoying. Anyway, what brings you guys to the abyss that is my locker?"

"Well, the number 69 is quite interesting..." Jasper said with a wink. Weird. I mean I know number 69 is my locker number and I often laugh about how ironic it is considering I'm a virgin, but that's kind of...gay.

"Dude, stop flirting with my brother," Luke said with an eye roll. "What we're here to ask is if you want to sit at our table during lunch today. You don't have to obviously, because I know you don't like a lot of people you don't know, but it's an offer. So?"

"I don't think so, it's just too many people. Sorry," I replied, turning back to my locker.

"Please? I really want you to sit with us. Plus I need to say something and it would be nice if you were there for support. I mean, you don't have to if it really will make you anxious because I would feel terrible, but you get what I mean," Jasper said, running a hand through his dark brown hair. God, he's adorable.

"Um, I'll think about it. How about that?"

"Okay, well you should know where we are, just come by if you decide you want to."

"Great." And they waved and turned away. I sped my way to homeroom, since the bell had rung a minute before that, and I was going to get marked absent if I hadn't practically sprinted.

Until lunch came, I thought about Luke and Jasper's offer. I decided I would try, and if it got to be too much I would go to my own table. So, I walked over to the "popular table" and met my brother and Jas.
"Hey, I'm going to try being here, but I make no guarantees I'll stay."

"That's fine, and here you can sit between us," Luke said moving over a seat. He also wiggled his eyebrows and Jasper, who rolled his eyes in return. I sat between the two of them, and said hello to their friends who I knew, and mostly ignored the ones I didn't. But hey, they were ignoring me too. Not that I was complaining.

"So, I have to say something," Jasper said, catching the attention of his friends.

"Did you finally schedule a hair appointment? Because you have a bit of a mullet currently," Z joked. Knowing Z though, it probably wasn't a joke at all.

"No. But I should do that soon. Anyway, what I have to say one of you already knows, well, two know," he said looking at Luke and Zander. They shared a look, and Jasper continued, "I think I'm bi. Actually, yeah I'm just bi."

My jaw dropped on its' own. Does this mean I actually have a chance with him? My mind was racing a billion different thoughts per second. I wasn't even paying attention to what other people were saying. All I could think about was that I might actually have a chance with Jasper now. I was beyond thrilled. "Wait...are you serious?" I asked. I had to make sure this wasn't some kind of prank.

"Dead serious," he replied with his killer smile.

"I- Well first of all congrats on coming out, I'm very proud of you and secondly holy crap," I replied with a small laugh.

"Thank you. You've actually kind of inspired me to do it, so seriously, thank you. And what is the 'holy crap' for?"

"Oh um, nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," he answered. And what he did next made me become a human icicle with how still I was, and how his touch sent shivers up my spine. He looped his arm over my shoulders, and briefly ruffled my hair. What is happening to me? Why do I freeze whenever he touches me?

Meanwhile, Luke and Zander have each other a look that I couldn't quite figure out when Jasper did...what he did. Why is everyone acting so weird today? Why are there so many questions? I feel like I'm going crazy.

The rest of lunch was good. Luke's friends are really nice and funny. They even said I could sit with them whenever I wanted. Wait, does this mean they're my friends too now? Oh my gosh, I actually have friends!

After lunch and the remaining portion of the school day was pretty good. Luke drove back, and I helped him with his homework, like always. When we finished we helped mom make dinner, which was spaghetti. Oscar loves spaghetti. I wish he was here.

I brushed that thought away, and got back to cooking. Usually when we help cook, it's me who does most of the work, since Luke might cut off a limb, or accidentally murder somebody. He's a terrible cook. I feel bad for his future wife.

We ate dinner, and did what we do every night. We went to our own rooms and stayed there in silence. Our daily routine was getting pretty old. We literally did the same exact thing every single day. That's why the days go by so fast, because they just feel exactly the same. It's starting to take a toll on me.

My mental health is slowly getting worse, from the pressure of being the perfect son to how little sleep I get every night. It's a whole myriad of things, really. I can tell the same is happening with Luke. I'm pretty sure he will always be at least somewhat of an optimist, but he's crumbling too. I think he puts up a facade for his friends and for me, though.

Really, I'm starting to get uncomfortable in my own body. It's scaring me a little bit. All I want is somebody to talk to and who will pay attention to me. That's my only want. I just wish I had it.