Toxic love 😫

5.

Y/n pov
After having that whole conversation with my mom .
I been trying to be on my best behavior.
Right now I'm at dalton house because they planning the wedding .

He been having constantly panic attacks , watching him unfold around me is such a pleasing sight to me . Makes me so happy .

Dad would be so disappointed in dalton .

I'm more man than he's .

Doesn't even matter if I'm packing with 10 inches attached to my bottom half .

Everyone thinks I'm ok but real life I need a gun license.

" dalton baby , can you help me - before she can finish her sentence I move quickly to grab the things she need .

" thanks y/n"

" no problem baby" I peck her cheek and left her blushing .

I walk away from the Scene because I didn't want dalton bitch ass catch me kissing his girl cheek .

" wait y/n"

" yes Ari "

She blushes at the nickname " you want to go to the studio and maybe you do some runs in some music , I feel like with all hatred you have , you can make some good music " she says to me

To think about it , I never look at music like that . I shrugged my shoulders and responded while not .

She told the family will be in the studio and of course dalton told her be careful , his bitch ass should be nervous if I don't dick her down in this studio .

I been wanted to be inside of her .

While I'm in the studio .she told me go head

It's like, the more I try, the less I feel
In desperate need of something real
Why, lately I ain't been the same?
I try so hard to hide this pain
I search, but I can't ever find
Can't seem to leave my past behind
Cause all the ones I hope would stay
Are all the ones that fade away
Truth is I think about you often
I miss your voice, I miss your smile that I used to get lost in
I know you know I have this thing for you, I never lost it
I think I just lost myself, in the midst of the non-sense
9 times out of 10, I'd close my eyes and dream about you
Don't know what it was, but you just had this thing about you
Lately we've been distant, see, I just can't be without you
And my soul got so attached to yours, I can't be me without you
But, we hate ourselves because we run from the people we love
And we all hold on to the past 'cause we miss what it was
Don't wanna feel so we try to numbin' the pain with these drugs
Living in hell, 'cause we lost faith in the place up above
And my anxiety is breaking me, it kills me
I'm living in a world so fake, I lost touch of the real me
Had to take a look back, just to ask me if I'm still me
And would I still stand for this if they wanted to kill me?
I can't take it no more, I just can't take it no more
I can't smile like I'm okay, I just can't fake it no more
I can't act like I've been happy and complacent no more
Cause every time I try to change, it is the same as before
My karma is coming, my karma is coming, it's weighting in
I'm drinking 'till all my feelings just fade away again
And mama, she always told me "this ain't the way to live"
But, when you feel what I'm feeling that's just the way it is
I'm trying not to break down but I just can't hide this pain
Saw myself in the mirror and I'm just not the same
But who's to blame? I guess we all change
We hurt the ones we love because of our pain (fuck)
It's like, the more I try, the less I feel
In desperate need of something real
Why, lately I ain't been the same?
I try so hard to hide this pain
I search, but I can't ever find
Can't seem to leave my past behind
Cause all the ones I hope would stay
Are all the ones that fade away
Are all the ones that fade away
Are all the ones that fade away

Ariana looks at me with so much sadness in her eyes she told me get out the booth then she just held me .

I didn't know what to do I was stuck .

The only person who held me was my mother nobody else dare to much because I fight back and end up beating there ass .

I hug her back , she release me and look into my eyes then she kiss me .