Haunted by the Past

A bad day turns to pain

As soon as Henry left, John, Philip and their generals called a war meeting. They asked if I wanted to join them, for they somehow saw me as the leader of the Dark Fey, but I told them I'd rather stay with Aurora. Borra joined them in my place, together with some other fairy generals. Aurora went to her bedroom, where she sat down on her bed with a sigh. "And I thought nothing could ruin this day," she said as she stared out of the open balcony door. "How wrong I was." Diaval walked over to her and sat down next to her to comfort her, "Don't worry, Aurora, everything will turn out just fine. Even... even if it comes to war... the fairies... they have magic... they should be able to... to beat them. Right, Mistress?" "Well, we might. But you heard his warning... the iron of our swords." "Well, you'd have to stay out of reach, then." "Yes... I guess." Diaval went back to comforting Aurora, something I left to him, since he was better at comforting people anyway. I mad my way over to the balcony, where I stood for a long time, lost in my own thoughts.

This is my fault. I told myself. If I hadn't cures Aurora all those years ago... Maybe Stefan would have left me alone. Maybe Stefan would still be alive and his son wouldn't be looking for revenge. Sure, the Moors would still have many enemies, but... I sighed. "But what?" I whispered to myself. At least no one you care about would be in danger... Because you would care about no one. That would be quite a horrible way to live. Although it might be safer for one's heart. I looked back at Aurora and Diaval, both of them had been through a lot because of me. Sometimes I wonder how much of that was willingly. Sometimes I felt like they deserved better. Diaval caught me staring at them, "Mistress?" "Yes?" "What are you doing?" "I'm thinking." I saw Aurora whisper something into his ear and he nodded, "Yes, I think you're right, but I'll wait until you're asleep, okay?" She nodded and I turned my attention back to the now deserted courtyard and my own thoughts.

There was one thing I had refused to think about, but now I couldn't stop myself. Stefan... That man was his son. There is no doubt about that. How is that man still haunting me, seven years after he died? And... why? Why does it... hurt that... that he wasn't loyal to me all those years ago? Of course I knew the answer to that question. I had loved him, I truly had. And if you loved someone... it's hard to... to get over it. Even if they treat you horribly. It's why I couldn't kill him, why I spared him, because I had loved him. I was so stupid when I was young. I should have listened to the other fairies. The ones who told me it was a bad idea to be friends with a human, to fall in love with a human. I thought I knew better... especially because he told me that what we have was true love... that it would last forever. As I closed my eyes I could still picture it. I could feel the touch of his lips on mine. Stop torturing yourself like that, I thought to myself.

Suddenly I felt two hands being placed on my shoulders, "Mistress, are you alright?" Diaval asked me softly. I shook my head, "No, I'm not." "I'm sorry to hear that. What... what's bothering you, if I might ask?" "That young man, of course." "His threats?" "Obviously." "But that's not all, is it? What else is bothering you?" "Well... his I don't like what his... existence means." Diaval's hands slid down over my arms, all the way down to my own. He held them for a little while, before he moved them to wrap his arms around my waist. He pulled me closer and laid his head on my shoulder. "I see. You're bothered by Stefan being unfaithful to you, even though it was decades ago." I sighed, "I am. It's... honestly quite stupid, I know that but-," Diaval cut me off, "I don't think it's stupid." "You don't?" "No. I don't. I might not... fully understand humans, even after all those years, but... well, ravens know about heartbreak." "They do?" "Yes, ravens mate for life. So... you could say they understand the concepts of love and heartbreak. My mother for example... she was... devastated when my father died. Even years after it could sometimes... hurt her to... well.. talk about it, for as far as ravens talk." I listened to him, mildly intrigued. "And I can imagine that... someone you love... leaving you... that that would hurt about as much as that. And therefor it can still hurt when brought up. It can still you find out new things about that person, bout what they did behind your back. Especially if those things are bad things, like that person being unfaithful to you."