The Deal [Shicca Fanfic]

Chapter 23: My True Self

"Hello everyone." Rebecca greets, a small smile on her serene face. Shiki had never seen her so... natural. Even in that time he found her secret. Her face had been lit with panic; but now she was calm, collected. Beautiful.

"Today will be a different type of video, as many of you may have guessed already. Today... Today I present myself as I really am. With no filters, no make-up, no fancy clothes. Just... me." Rebecca lifts her hands, shrugging. "So, I'll present myself again, this time with no omissions." She makes a sad smile. "My name Is Rebecca BlueGarden, and I am what you might call a nerd."

"'What? A nerd? No way! Is she joking?' Is what most of you must be thinking right now. And that's natural. I never once acknowledged my tastes in any of my videos or social media. You had no way to know. And I now see how I shouldn't have done that. How I should have been honest from the very beginning."

"I love reading books, I love watching anime and read manga. I squeal like a little girl when my favorite character does something bold, I fangirl over my favorite characters, I cry over their losses and I joy over their victories. And I love being that way. I know that many of you will think of it as childish and immature but it is who I am. And for the first time in my life, I am not ashamed to reveal it."

"I love wearing comfortable, big clothes. I love using my hair tied up. But please don't think that I've been faking this whole time, because I haven't. Like everyone, I do like to dress up, I like to feel pretty with what I am wearing, it gives me confidence and joy. I like to go shopping to see the latest fashions and I like to put on make-up. However, I don't enjoy doing it every day. I too have days when I'm just lazy and a pair of pajama pants feel like heaven to me." Rebecca lets out a little laugh, placing a few strands of loose hair behind her ear.

"I am truly sorry if you feel like I've fooling you this whole time. I am sorry if you feel betrayed or angry or perplexed. I promise I never meant to hurt any of you. When I started, I never imagined I would get this far. Things got out of my control and when I realized, I was already being someone I wasn't. And then it was too late to go back. Why, you ask? Because I didn't want to lose you all." She gestures to the screen. "You all became such an important part of my life that I became afraid you would hate me and leave me once you found out who I really was. I am aware that that is very likely to happen now, but... I guess I'm not afraid anymore. No, that's not the best way to put it... I am still afraid, but now I know that I have people, good people by my side to support me in this process. So, it's okay if you leave. I'll be sad, of course, but I understand. I lied to you all for such a long time. I would be surprised if you stayed." Rebecca laughs again, but it came out sad and lonely.

"If you're still watching the video, then I would like to explain why I decided to reveal everything now. I met someone... Someone who became very precious to me. I loved the time I spent with him, I looked forward every day for the time we would be together. I don't think he realizes how much he means to me. He showed me new sights, gave me new experiences, made my heart feel things it had never felt before. It made all those romantic descriptions of love fall short to the real thing. I lied to him, just like I have been doing to all of you. But he found out about it. And if there is one thing he hates, is lies. He left me, and I honestly can't say I don't understand. He is right, I am wrong. And I thought I would be okay without him; after all, there was a time in my life in which he did not participate and I was fine, I was happy. But... it hurt so much. Much more than I thought it would. And yes, I can live without him, but I don't want to." (A/N: This is taken from a movie)

"So now, after gathering all my courage, and even now I'm still pretty scared, I am saying my truth to the whole world. Because if I want him to believe that I'm going to be honest with him from now on, then I have to be honest with myself. And that includes you all. I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to hide anymore." Rebecca spread her arms. "This is who I am. And we should not be ashamed to reveal ourselves. Each of us is unique and precious and life is too short to be someone else."

"I don't know what the reactions to this will be. But whatever the outcome, I want to thank you all for everything you have done for me. You gave me such joy with your comments, such strength with your love and kindness. I can never repay you, I'm so grateful. Truly, thank you. I hope we'll see each other again."

"And now, before ending this, I just wanted to leave one last message to that precious person. I don't know if you're watching this but in case you are... in case you'll give me a second chance..." Rebecca looks straight at the camera, her eyes gentle, and it was if she right there with Shiki. "I'll be where the stars shine their brightest."