Lost Souls | Xu Minghao

epilogue

everyone deserves a second chance - wether it would be a second life, to correct ones mistakes, or to have another chance to give back what a person did and risked for you. in terms of him, he wanted to pay back the comfort she gave, a second chance to redo everything and do what he should've had did.

but.. what if the person he's trying to look for is gone? what if he can't have another chance anymore because she completely left? what if.. she's already dead?

he was guilty. he wanted to say sorry; to apologize because he disregarded all the chances she gave.

he shouldn't have lived as if he knew there was another tomorrow, shouldn't he? he shouldn't have just ignored her til the end, that way, he wouldn't have a hard time saying goodbye without her even hearing it.

sure, farewells are necessary, we say goodbye because we don't know when we will get to meet them again, but it's hard, it sucks and it's just so terrifying that there's a chance that they're not coming back ever again.

what if second lives wasn't real? what if people in our lives just completely leave, we would think that we'll get to meet them someway somehow, but what if we just wouldn't? what if people just say that to not pain themselves any more..

if second life wasn't real, then he guess.. it was really the end...

"they say, everyone deserves a second chance.. can't you give that to me too?", minghao who was sitting on the grass - infront of her tomb - asked as if she would hear him, as if in some way, by chance she'll go back and give the second chance he has been wanting.

he wiped away a few dirt and withered grass leaves on her tomb, he brushed his fingers against the cement ever so gently as if it was her.

"lu qui..", he whispered her name, and deep inside, he was hoping that she would hear it.

I didn't even have the chance to call you by your name.. even once.. you always called for my name.. shouted for my name and all I gave you was my cold back.. you ran for me but I didn't bother looking back.. and now, I'm the one who's desperately seeking for you.. I visit you every time you get in my mind, and that's always, but all I receive is silence.. nothing.. all I could see is your name engraved on a cement.

"you should've told me that you were suffering.. I could've comforted you and taught myself to like you.. more sooner.."

he carrased her name written on the tomb. "I love you.. I'm sorry you have to go all through that for me to realize what you are to me.. I'm sorry for making everything hard on you.."

regret. regret was what all that's left to him. if he knew that everything was going to end up like that, he could've had done something.. but he didn't.. and that's just how everything works.

"mister."

he immediately wiped the tear on his cheek after he heard a child's voice from behind. he looked back and saw a girl standing there looking down at him.

"are you alone, mister?", the kid asked. And for a mister, minghao looked young.

"yes, why?"

"who is that, mister?", without replying to his question, she shot him another question. and before she knew it, the girl was already walking towards him and seated herself beside him. "is she your girlfriend?"

"n-no, wait- how did you even know that we're off the same age?"

the little girl just shrugged her shoulder. "you must love her so much, mister for you to come here and accompany her. not all people visit their love ones here in the cemetery.. it's not even safe to say that they're even loved.", minghao just listened to everything the little girl was saying, and to be honest, he was flustered by how much she talks judging that they were basically just mere strangers.