All at Sea

17: Causantum

Content Warning ➙ implied/mentioned dissociation; implied/mentioned panic attacks; implied/mentioned trauma: implied/mentioned self-destructive habbits

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It all passed by painfully slow. Dick was rethinking his every move out there, chastising himself for the things he sees so much clearer in hindsight. He could have done better, he should have tried harder. But what was done is done and he can't change the past, so he'll do better in the future.

He didn't know what to do. For God's sake, he was Dick Grayson and he could handle this--he's handled worse before and he can do this. He managed to hold it together all the way through the police asking him what happened and them taking away the Joker's thugs. He kept it together through Jason locking himself in his room without letting go of Bruce. He kept it together through Damian pretending the event hadn't spooked him; he kept it together through Cass taking Percy's violently shaking body upstairs to deal with the aftermath of the gala.

Now Dick was trying to keep it together while he made a hot chocolate for Tim, who was sitting on the kitchen island. Tim wasn't mentally present and that was fine, it was fine because Dick knows how to handle that, he's usually assigned to Tim when he gets like this and he really doesn't mind it.

Tim was picking at his eyebrows, taking the thin, dark hairs, twisting them till they came out. Dick, being the diligent older brother that he is, tried to gently take Tim's hands away from his face. Tim was mostly over that, he was better, he used to do it often when he first came to live with the Waynes, his brows thinning drastically at some point. But he'd gotten better, as all things do.

Dick grabbed one of his tangles from the kitchen drawer and placed it into his brother's hands. Tim didn't like Dick's fidgets very much but he'd have to make due, since Dick was just about ready to lose it and the side of the house where their rooms were had been sectioned off by the cops.

They were going to have to talk about what had happened and Dick was absolutely dreading it. for the time being, he would focus on helping out Tim, and if that meant walking around the too-big house with the most uncomfortable suit known to man just to find a weighted blanket, then so be it.

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The next day, Dick had woken up at around noon with Tim furled up against him on a couch and the Office playing on the TV. Dick hadn't meant to fall asleep there, he had told himself he would take them both upstairs and settle Tim into one of the many guest rooms in the wing of the manor that hadn't been tapped off. He turned off the TV and let himself drift off to sleep for a little longer.

The next time he awoke, Tim was sitting up next to him, reaching over the back of the couch in an uncomfortable-looking position to use his phone while it charged and not have to move away from Dick's radiator-like warmth.

"Good morning, Timmy, how're you feeling?" Dick said through a yawn. He would have ruffled Tim's hair but he wasn't too sure how welcomed the touch would be after last night.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Bruce told me to tell you he wanted to talk with all of us once you woke up." Tim pushed his hair out of his eyes, looking rather scrawny given his posture. He didn't answer Dick's question, but Dick decided not to press.

"D'ya know where he might be?"

"I just texted him you woke up. He says we should meet him in the cave," Tim replied, showing Dick his phone screen where a short text conversation appeared.

The two made their way to the Batcave where all the birds and bats had gathered. Selina, unsurprisingly, was absent. She'd probably left at some point in the night to find her girlfriends. Percy looked utterly exhausted, her head was resting on Cass' shoulder while Bruce racked a hand through Jason's hair. Jason's own hands traced absently at the J that had been carved into his cheek. Damian had Alfred the cat curled on his lap and he tried to scoot his chair as close to his father as possible.

"Hello, boys," Bruce greeted tiredly at their arrival. The two settled into the only empty chairs left, looking to their father for guidance.

"I fear we need to talk about yesterday night," he stared solemnly. "As we know, the Joker sent some goons to us in some freak display of power. Jason was highly distressed by the situation, though Dick managed to evacuate him promptly."

Dick wasn't sure why he was talking as though he were addressing the room, clearly nobody except himself, bruce and Damian were remotely present in the situation, so Bruce might as well be addressing them two.

"Percy was the unforeseen variable in this situation. We didn't think of how she'd react and we had our hands full as it was, thankfully Cass was able to get her out of what would have been a hostage situation had it escalated. Unfortunately, by then she'd already entered into a dissociative panic attack that Cassandra has been coaching her through."

"What now?" Dick asked meekly. He'd usually act grander, but seeing as none of them had any expendable energy left, he decided against it.

"Now we wait," Bruce said plainly. "We know how Jason tends to react, but we're waiting on Percy. We need her to be back with us before we can really come up with any plan of action."

Damian had stayed shockingly quiet through the interaction, not once commenting on the weaknesses of the others. "What of the police, Father?" Damian pipped in.

"I'll handle them, Damian. Why don't you go find Ace, I'm sure all of us could use him now," Bruce proposed, giving his youngest son the task of finding the family's very own therapy dog.

Dick and Bruce shared a brief moment of silence, telling each other their woes through a single, sorrowful gaze.

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p.s. hey guys!! how've you been? this chapter had a POV change which is exciting, ig. its definitely not my best work but i do need it in torger to get to the next plot point. lmk if there's anything you guys wanna see in this story or any headcanons you have for any characters!

the thoughts are back again, i think, which sucks obviously. I've been so much better for so long and now all of the sudden they pop up again. idk i just feel so replaceable, ig? like i used to think that i was good at things but i don't think so anymore, I'm merely passable at most things i do which isn't going to cut it for anything. and then my friends—who are absolute godsends—just seem so effortlessly cool. they're all so much better than me and i can't even be upset about it; they're so dedicated and attractive and smart and so fucking talented. like i used to hold writing really close to be, cuz thats something i can do, its something thats mine, but then i have these friends who come up with the most amazing characters and storylines and she's going to write a book one day and i know its going to be spectacular because she's absolutely dripping in talent. and then theres this other one who is genuinely the coolest person i know, she's so magnetic and effortlessly radiant, she's so smart and great with people not to mention the fact that she's one of the prettiest    people I've met. and the newest addition is just so spectacular, they're so creative and talented and so motivated and persevering and goal driven. and we can't forget our favorite boytoy, we've agreed that we're the same person cuz we are but he's the better one? like hes obviously brilliant and so funny and he's so handsome and kind and dedicated and he's everything i am plus everything I'm not. and sometimes i just get to thinking like do they even like me—which logically i know they wouldn't let me do half the shit i do to them if they didn't. but its like theres already all these amazing people in the world that i simply cannot compare to, so would it even make a difference if i simply didn't exist? idk i just feel so useless sometimes

tl;dr I'm sad and my friends are great

thank you so much for reading, i love you all so much have a great day!! xo