Amber

Chapter 27

January 3, 2015

Dear Journal,

Brad and I spend a lot of time in his car. Not moving or going places. Just being there, parked in an empty lot listening to all of our favorite singers and talking or kissing depending on the song and the type of feeling it gives us.

Brad's car is my new favorite place in the world. It's perfect for us. It has everything we need: music for Brad and Brad for me. I wonder if the people who made Brad's car knew how many places it could take someone without ever actually moving.

1) To heaven and back.

2) To the front row of any concert.

3) Deep into the heart of the place you never want to leave.

If I were a contestant on a game show and won tickets to travel anywhere in the world, I would trade them in for a one-way pass to Brad's front seat.

Of course, it would be nice one day to not be confined to one area. Right now, things are sort of tricky. Brad hasn't invited me over to his house yet. He keeps saying he wants to have me over, but there is always a new excuse for why he can't. Either his dad is in a bad mood or his stepmom is cleaning or the house is being fumigated or the emperor of China is visiting. Completely valid excuses, of course, but still ...

And then there's my house and the problem of my youthful age of fifteen. According to my parents, I'm not allowed to have boys over until I'm sixteen because that's the age Hannah first had a boy over. Seems like faulty logic to me. I don't understand how Hannah's situation at all relates to mine. Especially because she was over at boys' houses all the time since she was, like, thirteen. So, if anything you would think they would want boys to come over to our house so at least they are close enough to monitor things. Plus we wouldn't even have to be in my room, or if we were in my room, we could keep the door open and wear seven layers of clothing so there would be no way we could do anything and get dressed again in enough time before being caught. I don't know. It seems like lazy parenting to me.

But my birthday is only a couple months away, so it's totally fine that we can't hang out at each other's houses for now.

Brad can't afford to take me out on a lot of dates either because he works only part-time during summers and is saving for college, plus he has to pay for gas and car insurance. He's so sweet, though, that every once in a while he'll surprise me with flowers. And other times he'll ask if I want to hang out and listen to music in his car, and he'll pick me up and drive to a restaurant instead. I think maybe he feels a little embarrassed that we don't have a lot of crazy elaborate dates, but that couldn't be any further from what I want. I want simple things: music and songs and him.

Once it gets warmer again, I'm sure we'll have more dating options that don't cost money, like his concerts. Apparently his band sort of goes on hiatus every winter. Brad works on writing songs year round, but they don't have a place to practice playing as a band until it's warm again. I guess they only play outdoors. I asked Brad why they can't just play in someone's garage.

"Because we're not a garage band," he said, completely serious. "It just wouldn't do."

In the meantime, Brad tries to talk his friends into having parties, and he'll invite me along. Most of his friends are older, and some are even in college. So most of the parties we go to involve alcohol and weed and drinking games and loud music. They're okay, but not my kind of fun. They sort of make me nervous about college. Too many people talking too loudly in too small of spaces. It's all so hard to navigate. I hope I still have Brad after high school because I feel like I'll be lost without him and never be found among all of the people and noise.