The Last Handful of Clover - Book 2: Gifts Both Light and Dark

2.18 Under the Juniper Tree

1887

By the last quarter of the 19th century, Salt Lake had become a bustling metropolis and a hugely important way station for travelers journeying to and from the west coast. The transcontinental railroad was completed in 1869, with the driving of the Golden Spike. No ghosts witnessed this event, as it was north of the boundaries of the Hereafter. But by that year, and in the years that followed, the population of Utah skyrocketed. The state was well on its way to surpass a quarter million people before the end of the century.

Although war had been averted between the Mormons and the "Amerikats," the distrust and the paranoia of the winter of 1857 and 1858 lingered. Brigham Young died in 1877, and with his passing, tensions eased. But after all that had transpired, the government of the United States still had a long way to go before they would trust the people of Utah. As Billy and Mattie were struggling to find their way in the strange world of the Hereafter, statehood for Utah was still at least a decade away. It would only come once the Mormons disavowed polygamy.

Much changed for both Billy and Mattie in the year 1887.

In the thirty years since his death, Billy felt like he had finally made a degree of peace with what had happened to him. No longer did he fear the onset of madness, as he had in those early years—especially after the murder of the Sowersbys. And although his mind was still tortured by loneliness and sexual longings that he could not fulfill, he felt that he was no longer the confused, angry, and hopelessly sad boy he had been in those first years.

Instead, he found solace in learning, and in trying to find meaning in the path God had chosen for him.

By 1887, Billy was spending much of his time in churches. He attended services in Mormon and Catholic houses of worship, and also private services at the homes of Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist families that were now living in the Salt Lake Valley. For many days at a time he would sit in churches and temples in contemplation of what this dark journey he was on must mean—and in that meditation and contemplation, he slowly found a calm center to which he could retreat. He thought of it as the temple of his own soul, and he found solace in that temple often.

Contemplation and meditation consumed more and more of his time. There were days, and even weeks, where he would sit in a safe place and watch the world and his own thoughts, without moving. At first, he found these safe spots on the grounds of the holy buildings that were being constructed throughout the new and thriving city of Salt Lake. But soon, he found as much peace in being in the desert and on distant mountain peaks as he did from being in the city itself.

Being untroubled by the need for food, and without the aches and pains a body was normally susceptible to, he could easily sit for days in silent introspection. And it was through this long and lonely contemplation that he eventually dampened the burning sexual obsessions that nearly drove him mad in his early years.

As the great Mormon Temple was being built, Billy would sit like a gargoyle in its highest spires for weeks at a time, moving only when the work required it, or when a new and higher spot for his contemplation became available. In this way, he felt like he was as much a part of the temple as the brilliant white granite that made up its walls, and the gold filigree that adorned its most sacred and secret chambers.

He especially liked the winters, when he would sit, impervious to the cold, as the snow fell silently over the city. He would watch the lights of the windows twinkling in the dark, and the rhythmic click of the hooves in the streets would lull him into an exquisite state of ecstasy and joy.

Billy still returned to Mattie, but with much less frequency, and with almost no sense of urgency. Her resets became much less common, and by that fateful year of 1887, they had dwindled to just once every few months. Billy still could not see her, and he knew very little of her other than the dark pit of rage and despair that was her tortured mind. They were still linked, and when he approached her, he still sensed her fear and loathing. And if he drew too close, she still fled from him.