The Last Handful of Clover - Book 2: Gifts Both Light and Dark

2.47 The Confession

June 14, 9:45 am

Mattie had lost nearly all of her little-girl innocence. All that was left was white-hot rage—an anger so acute and so terrifying that Justin could do nothing but cower in the face of it.

"You stupid little shit!" Mattie screamed. "You absolutely, majestically, stupid, stupid, stupid little shit!"

She paced back and forth in front of him, and Justin knew that if there had been any way for her to beat the hell out of him, she would have done that the instant he confessed to her what he had done.

She had found him at the site of his death, called back to him by his violent reset at the hands of Howard Gunderson. He was lying in the place where his car had crashed into the boulder at the bottom of the ravine. But this reset had been unlike any he had ever experienced. The wrenching agony of it was far worse than it had ever been. And the anger that had consumed him at the moment that Howard brought the tire iron down on his head had turned instantly into anguish and terror. As he felt his broken and shattered body mending itself in the rain, he could do nothing more than crawl into that cleft in the boulder that had sheltered him on the first days of his return.

It was there that Mattie had found him, and he had rushed out to her in the rain, needing her the way a terrified boy would need his mother. All he wanted to do was confess to her what he had done, how he had defied God, and how sorry he was.

But Mattie was having none of it. They didn't have the touch so there was no way that she could fold him into her arms, but also (and thankfully) no way for her to strike out at him. All she could do was rail at him for his stupidity.

"Don't you realize what you have done?" she snarled. "You have turned that boy into a weapon! God commanded you not to possess him more than once, and you, you stupid, lustful, greedy little boy, you defied him! You defied God! And by doing so you have granted that little fucker the Fifth Gift!"

Justin knew what the Fifth Gift was. At least, he had heard it mentioned as a rumor, both from Mattie and from God. But it had never been explained, and nobody had ever bothered to tell him that the way you made a human into a medium was by possessing them multiple times.

If I had known, I wouldn't have done it, he thought to himself. But even in that moment, he knew it was a lie. If he had been willing to even defy God to have Howard Gunderson, then what good would any warning have been to try and stop him? And what was more, even in his misery, he knew he had every intention of finding Howard, and possessing him again. Not even God could stop him. Howard was his, and he would have him!

"Has God called to you since this happened?" Mattie hissed, finally getting a sliver of her self-control back.

"He's tried. I haven't let him in."

Mattie appeared to relax just a bit. "That's good. Don't. From this moment on, you are bereft of God. You can't tell him what you did. With any luck, Howard will perish in the Cleansing, and God will never know about your disobedience."

"But he's God. Doesn't he already know?"

"Shut up, you useless little fuck!" Mattie bellowed. "If he finds out, he'll destroy you and me both! You're mine. He gave you to me, just like he did with Bradley... I'm responsible for you both!"

Finally, Justin allowed himself to look at the figure that stood several paces from Mattie—its eyes empty, its expression haunted. In his blood-soaked uniform the airman with the bloody knife looked like an extra from some extremely graphic war film.

"I want you to look at him," Mattie hissed. "You used to be my best angel, but now you're filth and rot and... and... unworthy! He's my best angel now!"

Justin curled back into the crack in the rock, but there was a strange strength growing in him. Not only was he slowly accepting his defiance of God, but now he was surprised to find that he actually didn't even care whether Mattie was angry at him or not.

Fuck her, he thought to himself. I don't need her, and I don't need God. I have Howard. I'll possess him for good and push his soul so deep into the well that he can't get out again. And then his body will be mine, and I'll be as powerful as God himself. I'll be a living person again. So fuck them both.

Mattie was still railing at him, but he had lost track of much of what she was saying.

"...Your little toy is dangerous to us all. Don't you realize he can see us now? He can see us, and he can hurt us! He could walk around with that hunk of metal he used on you, or a knife or even a gun, and he could reset us, one by one. There won't be any way to stop him. That is what you did, you wretched, wretched boy!"

"Then I'll do it," Justin said. His voice suddenly calm. He could see that it shocked Mattie that he was no longer just cowering in the face of her rage.

"You'll do what?"

"You said that somebody needs to kill Howard. If he's too hard to possess, then I can use the Fourth Gift on someone around him. Once I'm in a body, then I can do what I like to Howard. We don't need to possess him to kill him. Just someone close to him."

Mattie stared at him as if she was trying to gauge his sanity. Finally, she must have decided that he was serious. "No, it can't be you. I don't trust you now, and neither does God." Her eyes narrowed, and she smiled. "I can do it. The only problem is, neither of us knows where he is. The police are looking for him now. If they can find him, and get him back into custody, then we can use one of the guards at the jail to kill him. There, it would be easy."

The idea of Mattie finding Howard first filled Justin with dread that almost approached panic.

"Maybe the cops won't find him," Justin said. "Maybe he'll escape. Get out of the Hereafter all together."

She turned her blazing eyes back upon him, angry, but also realizing that what he was saying was true. "You're right," she said. "Howard could very easily be running for the edge of the Hereafter, even now. We both need to start looking." Her eyes narrowed. "But if you find him, you need to stay the fuck away from him. Don't let him see you. Just call out to me. I'll come to you, and I'll take care of him. I don't trust you. We need to take care of this before it gets any more out of control."

Justin just nodded. He knewhe had to find Howard first. And he had to find a way past that tire iron...