toxic but pretty

silently falling in love p1

i stared at her mesmerised. her dark curly hair bounced as she walked and her eyes glistened. she walked down the school hallway by herself, several heads turning to admire her. i hated that other people looked at her, but what could i expect? she's the most beautiful girl in school. she's popular even though she's a bitch to everyone. honestly, jade is the rudest person i have ever met. but there's something about her.. something that makes me think about her every second of the day. i want to be near her all of the time. i would do anything to be more than friends. she's always flirting with me but she can change instantly. one minute she'll be tucking a strand of hair behind my ear while smirking at me.. then the next she's talking about how hot her new secret boyfriend is.
               her eyes locked with mine as she walked towards me. "hey." she said. "hi jade" i looked down and adjusted my shirt. "i've got a free place, wanna stay over tonight?" i looked back up. "just us or the group?" i asked anxiously. "the group, i'll get beck to steal some of his moms vodka and we can play games" she winked. my heart sunk a little when she said the group. don't get me wrong, i love them all but jade is different around them. when she's alone with me, she's sentimental and sweet. but around them, she's secretive and often rude. "yeah that sounds fun, what time shall i come over?" she put her books in her locker which was right next to mine. "seven. no later or i'll have to punish you" she smirked a little and placed her hand on my shoulder. i laughed with her for a moment before we walked to first period.

the day went by fast. there was only 10 minutes left until the school day finished and i could go home to change for jade's sleepover. i was in math class. jade sits in front of me. i couldn't help but stare at her hair. it looked so soft. i just wanted to run my fingers through it. the shirt she was wearing revealed quite a lot of her back. i noticed she had a small stick-and-poke on the top right. it was a lock. i laughed a little and rolled my eyes at the meaning of it. jade was a secret keeper. she knew all of our secrets yet we knew none of hers. she kept them in a locked box and threw out the key. sometimes she'd reveal something small, just enough to make us intrigued, and then she'd refuse to say anything else. suddenly the bell went off. had i been staring at her for 10 minutes straight? shit. i wonder if she could sense my eyes burning straight into her. i got up and grabbed my things in a hurry. "what's the rush?" jade said while looking at me. "n- nothing i just don't wanna make my dad wait too long" "oh okay, i'll walk you out" she grabbed her bag and lead the way. i followed behind. she turned her head to me and took my hand, gently pulling me to her side. she didn't let go. a small smile appeared on my face but i tried hiding it.
                   i arrived home shortly after. i changed out of my school clothes and looked for something nice to wear. i want to impress her. i want to look so good that she can't keep her eyes off me. however, i also wanted to keep it casual, i don't want to look like i'm trying too hard.

what can i wear? what the fuck can i wear?!

i spent the next 20 minutes desperately searching through my closet trying to find an outfit.. then it hit me. my moms closet. my mom was a slut when she was younger. i used to be embarrassed about it because everyone knew her by that label.. but now it's coming in handy. she has a variety of fashionable clothes unlike me. it's not that i don't like being stylish.. i just can never be bothered to try. but now i have a reason.
            i found the perfect dark red halter neck top with a lace trim in her wardrobe so i paired it with black ripped boyfriend jeans and my red jordan 1's. i topped my outfit off with a bunch of gold jewellery and a black minimalist baguette bag. i'm not usually fashionable but when i want to be, i feel like i do a pretty good job. i quickly brushed my hair and topped up my mascara and lipgloss, then made my way down to the kitchen.
                     ugh. 1 hour and 15 minutes to go. i decided to make myself a snack and watch the latest episode of euphoria. my mom wasn't home of course, she rarely is. it can be nice but sometimes it gets lonely. at least i have the group to hang with now.
               i finished the episode and headed out the door immediately. i had no idea what jade meant when she said i'd be punished if i was late. most of the time what she says.. she means. she often plays it off as a joke but deep down we all know.

i made it to her house. i walked up her driveway and waited outside the door. 2 minutes until 7pm. i didn't want to seem eager, i wanted to be exactly on time.

god.. i'm getting de ja vu.