Irina felt like her heart had stopped beating and she knew that Alfie was experiencing the same sensation.
She hadn't managed to give him any kind of response, the delay in even a change in expression made the sudden wave of regret that washed over his eyes painfully noticeable for Irina as she kept her gaze fixed on him.
She wasn't shocked, far from it, in fact. Irina liked Alfie, she liked how nothing in his world seemed too serious and he was never afraid to laugh or say what was on his mind. He was ambitious and self-assured, so she thought. Selling himself short of Thomas Shelby made Irina second guess the ego that he had, thinking that perhaps it was a facade to get him through the day.
Irina enjoyed observing others, something that came easily when she was much more of a listener than a talker. She'd watched Alfie multiple times, noticing the way he walked into a room with a loud smile and a confident stride. He seemed like the type of person that had no regrets, only future desires.
"It's late," Alfie said, looking at the thick gold watch on his wrist, "We should get home."
Unsure how much time had passed since Alfie admitted what appeared to be something he wished he hadn't, Irina just nodded and stood up, taking her coat from Alfie.
They walked back to the car in silence, the only accompanying sound was the echo of her heels on the stones beneath their feet and the rush of water hitting the banks under the bridge as they crossed it.
The car journey the rest of the way to London wasn't much different, either. Irina desperately wanted to say something but every time she tried to think, her mind turned pitch black. She glanced at Alfie who drove with one hand, his other arm resting on the side of the door, his head slightly tilted to the side.
Irina despised how she felt inside. It was a crucifying sensation, guilt and worry creeping through her bones and scratching her insides more with every breath she took.
The truth was, Irina had thought about what it might be like to kiss Alfie, and it wasn't something that had crossed her mind just once, either. She thought about it when she heard his voice before seeing his face, or when he said her name in the slightly patronising way that he always did. She thought about it when he held her ever so gently in her kitchen as they danced together, and when he looked back over his shoulder at her when they left The Garrison.
Irina had kissed many men, but she couldn't remember a time when she'd thought about kissing someone for so long without actually knowing what their lips felt like. She was also more than aware that she could've taken any one of those opportunities to find out. Irina could have Alfie at the drop of a hat, the bat of her lashes, the whisper of his name, so painfully easily.
Whether it was the residue of the hurt and loss of trust in not only men but in her own judgement that Luca had left behind, or whether she simply didn't want to admit that perhaps kissing Alfie would forever change the way she saw him, Irina wasn't sure.
She was scared, but now she knew that she wasn't alone in feeling that way.
"I'll walk you to your door, don't know what kind of nutters are about at this time of night."
Irina closed the door of the car and walked up the steps to her home, Alfie a few paces behind her. She reached into her bag and pulled out the key, fumbling in the darkness to try and fit it into the lock.
"Here," Alfie said, reaching forwards and taking the key into his hand, unlocking the door for her.
Irina chewed on her lip in the darkness as she walked inside her house, two options weighing heavily on her mind. She hadn't said a single word in over an hour to Alfie but her mind had been so loud in that time that she hadn't been able to figure out what the right thing to do was.
YOU ARE READING
Devil | A Solomons
Fanfiction"I didn't think the Devil walked among us until I met you." [mature themes throughout]
